Day 103/367

Today I was at the beach all day with me, Brinley, Ben and his girlfriend.

Chuft at the photos, some of them I look relatively skinny in my Pineapple Dance Studios crop-top (regretted that 800 calorie cheesecake pigout at the sleepover and multiple sweeties though.) We got home and I was crazy-crazy-crazy tired and Brinley kept feeling me up and didn't seem to get that I was hurna tired.

He also said I was boring because I wasn't doing anything which was a little bit worrying.

Don't want to get USED.

Brinley met my bezzer Jacob and they got on good which was super. Tomorrow we might be going to the beach AGAIN! woowoowoo!

Day 47/367

I had cheesecake for breakfast today which was yumtastic.

I watched the first Pokemon film on video today. Retrooo! I also made a dressing up box for all my wings and old scene and goth clothes. It's Jacob's birthday today so he'll have his fleshlight by the end of this week.

So today's not really been to interesting. Gotta do some major tidying in my room and writing two essays.

Day 44/367

Today started out great. I got up at 10:35, got ready and went to tesco to be a Sexy Shopper in tight tshirt and shorties.. I was buying two sets of ingrediants-one for a chocolate cake and one for a cheesecake. It was damn stressful. Especially when I couldn't find buttermilk (I didn't even know what it was...was it solid? Like a sweetie? Or like...milk?) I had little sweat patches afterwords.

I cooked and baked and prepared and cleaned for about 4 hours. I had to use my two saucepans 5 times (cleaning them thoroughly each time).

The cake turned out gorgeous. I got it from the BBC Goodfood website. Jacob said it was lovely too. We went to a restraunt (I had these chickeny skewers) Jacob said I wasn't a person because I didn't eat the two dips or the burnt bits.

I'm really annoyed at mum right now. She whined at me to give her cake. She can't control her eating, and to make matters worse I have to seem like I'm a good influence on her because she goes on about how 'strong' and 'inspirational' I am so I can't have a fat day. I wish she could just have enough willpower.

Day 43/367

I had this weird-ass dream that the gorgeous Latvian Boy threw this clod of grass at me and it made my scaffold fall off (in real life you have to unscrew the little ball and slide it out). I had French next and begged my French teacher to let me go and find it. He sort of lay his head on top of my head and said no.

We've got this tall maths teacher. When I say tall I mean gigantic. I come up to about his bicep (I'm 5'5) and he has to bend to get in the doorway, and even then he stoops when he stands. If he stood up next to a door he'd be about a head taller than the top of the frame.

I think I should rephrase my essay question to 'Does writing an essay about anorexia influence the writer to become anorexic?' I've started getting real worried about my weight. I weighed myself today and I'm about 1 segment on the scale over 9 stone. Ideally I'd like to be 8 stone but I've sort of pleateaud. The only way I can break this is by eating 400-800 calories a day and going to the gym three times a week, but this leads to tiredness and dismotivation from schoolwork. It's pants because it can only go one way or another: Education or Skinniness. Holidays are an ideal time to get slim.

Tomorrow I'm going to bake a chocolate cake for Jacob and also a cheesecake for Saturday. Oh god, I'm going to have to try REALLY hard not to munch them...