Day 112/367

I was so tired today I kept falling asleep loads, especially in French. I was having a mongled day too I felt ugly.

The evening after maths tutor was good though. Jacob came round and we cooked fajittas and attempted to do some Drama revision but we ended up just talking about all the erotic things we'd done. Brinley came round and it was good because we never done any stuff stuff. Life be good.

Day 61/367

I ate like a shit today.  I had sunday lunch of pork chops (ich but the gravy and potatos make up) and pudding. Then I indulged in a £3.50 Cosmo and a 240-calorie Galaxy cookie crumble.

I want the Ex. I want to hug him and kiss him and bone him and go out with him.

I didn't do my French essay so I'm in the shit for tomorrow. Ahh well. I bought some Impulse True Love bodyspray and handgel...mmm so thats just dandy. :)

Day 54/367

I just ate about 1000calories worth of chocolate mousse. And an extra 400 of apple crumble. This girl Amber said I had a perfect figure when I did the inbox-a-number-and-I'll-say-what-I-like so that's OK.

I hate having my sister home. She's skinny and pretty and compliments me all the time about how I have a better figure etc etc etc when she obviously is way prettier and nicer than me. It just pisses me off. And she's really really really two-faced. One time she's all nice and sugar sweet and the next shes a complete bitch and making you feel like a shit. She turns Mum against me too which is extremely annoying.

I painted my nails the gorgeous pastelish-denim blue colour and straightened my hair so I feel sexy with my glasses tomorrow.

Ugh I've got a whole French essay to memorise for tomorrow...FML.

HOLY CRAP.

I talked to The Ex on MSN.

Me: I wish you liked talking to me
The Ex: How come?
Me: Cos I like talking to you :LThe Ex: But you've been fine for the last few weeks?
(that pissed me off.)
Me: I don't *have* to talk to you I just like to :L
The Ex: Well what would you have us talk about?
(frikkin Victorian-age old bugger.)

So we talked about him not getting into the RAF and a bunch of stuff I already knew from relentless Facebook stalking. I told him what I'd been up to: getting an industrial piercing (I didn't elaborate on the piercing part, trying to coax him into asking me about myself.), The Sleepover, losing weight, gaining weight.

Day 49/367

I wore shorts today. In first period I sat down and the Girl-That-I-Hate checked out the size of my thighs so obviously it was unbelievable. She actually turned her head down and looked at them. I was happy with my outfit though. Shorts, rocketdog pumps and highlights of red on my nails and my cami.

My French teacher keeps having sex with his desk. He sort of thrusts himself onto it and presses his winkie against the corner.

I'm starting to be uber-healthy tomorrow and even made 3 posters: Drink Water, Eat 2+ things of fruit 'n' veg and aim to weigh 9 stone or less.

I told my dad I was hungry today and he got all stressed because he didn't know what to do or say to me. Haha aww poor dad!

Robyn subtly persuaded the Ex to consider going back out with me....hmm I hope it works..

Day 43/367

I had this weird-ass dream that the gorgeous Latvian Boy threw this clod of grass at me and it made my scaffold fall off (in real life you have to unscrew the little ball and slide it out). I had French next and begged my French teacher to let me go and find it. He sort of lay his head on top of my head and said no.

We've got this tall maths teacher. When I say tall I mean gigantic. I come up to about his bicep (I'm 5'5) and he has to bend to get in the doorway, and even then he stoops when he stands. If he stood up next to a door he'd be about a head taller than the top of the frame.

I think I should rephrase my essay question to 'Does writing an essay about anorexia influence the writer to become anorexic?' I've started getting real worried about my weight. I weighed myself today and I'm about 1 segment on the scale over 9 stone. Ideally I'd like to be 8 stone but I've sort of pleateaud. The only way I can break this is by eating 400-800 calories a day and going to the gym three times a week, but this leads to tiredness and dismotivation from schoolwork. It's pants because it can only go one way or another: Education or Skinniness. Holidays are an ideal time to get slim.

Tomorrow I'm going to bake a chocolate cake for Jacob and also a cheesecake for Saturday. Oh god, I'm going to have to try REALLY hard not to munch them...