Day 29/367

My birthday vibrator came today. Shock horror! I'm so embarrassed at it! It said it was silent but it's louder than an electric  toothbrush.

Can't wait till my human hair extensions come.

Today I didn't do anything at all apart from get a very nice panini, an icecream, a magazine and £10.

Sam asked me to the cinema. This could have been a good oppertunity to see a film for free but I declined. That would be A) using B) misleading.

Day 28/367

I saw Sam close-up for the first time today. He came up behind me and said hi. I would have said something completely normal if I hadn't been so taken aback by his real-life ugliness.

Some people are forgivably ugly, like, a facial feature out of proportions fine and dandy. I have teeny-tiny lips and sticky out ears. But Sam. Oh lord. I just did this sort of nod of recognition and broke eyecontact. He then tried to sit with me for lunch. I didn't make eyecontact again so he moved away back with his chums.
Maybe I should start being mean to him. I'm ignoring him right now.

He keeps asking if he's done something wrong ("I loved the splendid chat we had last night, hope to do it again soon xx on facebook" with a friend commented 'loolol' with 5 likes. DOESN'T THAT TELL YOU SOMETHING SAM?) But maybe being mean will keep him keen like in the saying? I hope not. Holy crap, it was all the way back in day 8/367 that Sam asked me out! 20 days have gone by since then...wow.

Late last night I was talking to the Ex on MSN. He keeps saying 'gratz' to whatever I say which is really annoying. He said it again to something that deserved a reply much  better than 'gratz' and I sent to him 'if you say that one more time I'm going to hump you'. I meant to type jump. Awkward turdle? I think so.

I'm right. The Gamer fancies me. I keep talking to him about Sam and he's suggested not just once but twice that I should go out with someone on facebook to deter him. And also several discussions about how people should just ask people out.
I do fancy him a bit. He's pretty tidy with a 6pack. But he's Jess' ex. And it's weird going out with someone at school: all the awkward kissing in the corridor and shiz. (I still cant imagine enjoying kissing someone else that's not the Ex though.)

Free day tomorrow! I'm planning to sleep in so much. I havn't slept in in about a month. My painting went well in art today (5hours painting!) so it's all good.

Day 27/367

Oh god. I went on webcam to the Ex. My face looked so round compared to his finely chiseled jaw and cheekbones. I desperately tried sucking in my double chin and straining my neck to make it look longer but my muscly shoulders make me look like Matt Cardle no matter what I do (i.e, lack of visible neck.)

Me: Ugh do I look like a mong?
Him: mhmm
Me: Noo why? Do I honestly?
Him: yes
*close webcam*
Me: :(
Him: ?
Me: Im a mong
Him: are you?
Me: to your opinion am I?
Him: Idk

I hate him. Nothing's a straight yes or no with him. After many sentences of 'what matters is your opinion of yourself' he said no, I do not look like a mong. Thank god.

I talked to Sam. He hasn't talked to me for a while so I wonder if his flame of lust for me has burned out. I asked why he doesn't talk to me. He said it was cos I was boring. Then he said Jokes. That means he wasn't really joking but doesn't want to sound nasty. He says he wants to meet up with me. I replied I'm happy to meet up with anyone (non committal) as long as they aren't awkward. Ugh now I have to meet up with him! What have I done!

For once, God has listened to my complaints of wanting a boyfriend. He was feeling very pleased with Himself that He was answering the prayers of a heathen.....and so He sent Sam.


On the brighter side, my drama exam went pretty good. I think I at least got a credit. And I'm taking in two thornton chocolate hearts on lollipopsticks for Jess and Eilidh for the art exam tomorrow!

Day 26/367

I hate the prejudice of clothes sizes. They think that you can only have big boobs if you're a larger size. I was looking for a swimsuit today in Asda (they're just dandy with bikinis though) andI had to buy a size 14 onepiece to accommodate my boobs.
It's the same with other clothes- normal tshirts ride up, baggy tshirts make you look fat, and you can never get the right bra size. The pain never ends. And the speciality big-boob clothes like Bravissamo cost a bomb.

Today in the Graph Comm exam the technician made me up a tray of all the stuff I need, including 2 pencils and 2 compasses. Later he came back and gave me an extra 4 pencils and another compass, 'In case you break your lead'. Aww what a sweetheart!

Today I went to badminton. Very chuft at myself! Can't wait till exams end at the end of this week AND I CAN START CYCLING/GOING TO THE GYM/SWIMMING to tone dat boddeh!

Day 25/367

Today in Tesco I waved at someone I didn't know. Oh god.

I went to my granny's for lunch today. I forgot to get the recipe for a cheesecake I want to make on Singles Night on 14th Febuary with everyone (assuming I'm still single by then or Sam hasn't raped me.)

I came home and slept for a million years and got angry at my dad for breaking my laptop even more (its screen's held up by ductape). FML I have to get up at 8 tomorrow to phone the school to see if my catch-up exams on. I hope I'm not going to be the only one doing it.

I'm texting the Ex. He said my name in part of a text making me fancy him even more, and I keep having dreams about him. Argh! I need to find a boyfriend!

Day 24/367

I've finally fallen in love with Bruno Mars. If that boy pushed a piano all the way up my three flights of concrete steps in those shoes.....whoa.

Today I'm meant to be having a date in another town with my 'girlfriend' Robyn (she lives in a different country.) Hopefully Sam or his crew didn't see me going to the cinema with my mum and dad.
I'm going to feel very sorry for Sam when I finally do get a boyfriend.

I finally tidied my room today which made me instantly high with happiness.

Right now I'm chilling with Sunny watching unknown wannabe rappers on tv. Good times.

Day 23/367

Today was almost four hours of modern studies exam.(my friend Leah's phone went off twice with a homosexual ringtone. Poor girl) I wrote 13 pages of made up shit about racism and democracies in Africa. And then to make matters I apparently had a Graph Comm exam that was mysteriously not on my timetable so I'm doing it on Monday instead. I'm such a retard I even went with this guy to the graph comm teacher to ask when the other exam was. Ugh.

I got home and slept and had this epic dream about the end of the world and fragments of falling stars on us and I had to go under my friend Leah's umbrella and we were watching people at some showies beside this exploding castle.

Yesterday Sammyboy invited himself out to lunch with us. I said no.

He's not talking to me but not as much as he normally does. Maybe he's getting the message I don't fancy him after all? I did seen him in Tesco today with his fuzzy sideburns and full-face freckles. He didn't see me though.
Right now I'm sleeping over at Jacob's house. Me and Ben are looking at inflatable buttplugs and 'party in my pants'. We found an inflatable dog-sex-doll. ("feels just like the real thing!" was one of the comments)