Day 107/367

Me and Brinley were very close to sex today. The only thing stopping it was my hand covering. Crazy shit. I wore my sexy red thong and felt sexy in it. He made me orgasm 2 times from fingering.

I had a dream I cheated on Brinley with the Ex. I felt disgusted at myself all day. I really don't  like the Ex.

I feel really weird right now. I feel ugly. Brinley's friends apprently said 'paperbag' when he first went out with me. That makes me want to get a hot body even more to have at least one good thing about. Feel like such an emo right now. Weird feeling of wanting to be emo and cut. WTF? I don't even do that.

I don't usually care what people say about me. I mean, someone said I looked like a rat on formspring and I wasn't even bothered.

I don't know why that got to me so much. Probably because I thought I liked Brinley's friends. He said they took it back when they saw me and said I was hot and had good boobs.
Maybe I'm just having a mood swing.

I still havn't done any revision. It's Brinley's fault because if I hadn't gone out with him then I'd've been revising all holiday.

Ugh.

Day 89/367

Most of today was depressing, I felt really tired and I missed Brinley loads. I did some revision and went to sleep. I talked to the Ex and he was way depresso (sorry for spending a whole year dissapointing you etc.) so I was comforting him and said don't you dare wallow in self pity because at some points we did have a good relationship and stuff. I told him how I initally fancied him as he put himself across as confident and interesting over the internet and he said oh cheers.

Ugh I'm annoyed at mum- she wont let me go out and meet Brinley when he's arriving back from Ornkey at 10pm (which is pretty late but still).