Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Day 92/367

Today was great apart from the end. Me and Shannon went to see a talent show Brinley was playing. That was fine and dandy but Mum was in one of her crazymoods and was like LET'S GO TO BURGERKING!!! and then when Brinley's dad came she went over and was like HI I'M JENS MUM!!!!

Ugh. I don't know why that annoyed me so much but sometimes I really resent her. She has no willpower to stop eating shit and it's really really pissing me off. I should stop thinking about her otherwise I'm gonna get more stressed.

Stress Factors Right Now:

1. Mum
2. Room smells of feet
3. My rat keeps being bad but she needs cleaned out
4. My eyeliner gave up on me and went all flakey
5. I forgot to suck my stomach in most of the night and I was in a tight top FML.

Day 91 {Day 5 of Brinley}

Today was complete pants. I felt headachey and so tired all through today. The only good part was seeing Brinley for 5 minutes after his rugby. He was so tidy it was unbelievable and he got another semi.

He asked me on MSN later, do I love him? I replied 'I've been thinking about that last night and even though I havn't known you for long I think I do.'


Monday, 28 March 2011

Day 90/367 {Day 4 of Brinley}

Brinley came to mine and we spent the next few hours pulling on my bed. I kept rejecting his hands going on my ass though I don't want to seem easy, and also my ass is not smooth. My legs are though so it's all good. He did slight overclothes fingering that I wasnt too pleased about. Not on day 4.

I always feel vulnerable lying on a bed, and a lot of things slip past me and I don't notice. Standy-up kissing is way better than bed-kissing.

He said I'd probably last because he acts like how he did with his longest-lasting girlfriend (of 9 months). This gave me uber-mixed emotions. Jealous and hope at the same time, and I'm not a jealous person. I think I'm a perfectionist- everything I do has to be the best it possibly can. I have to be skinnier, funnier and prettier than that girlfriend goddamn it!

I think he is equipped with a large shlong. It looked (and felt) so noticable

Although the consequences of not eating a lot are starting to kick in. I keep not being motivated to work in school and I feel completely knackered when I get home. I weigh just under 9 stone though, and I think I'll freak if I get higher than that. I want to be 8 stone so I feel light for Brinley when he lifts me. That sounds totally anorexic but there you go.

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Day 89/367

Most of today was depressing, I felt really tired and I missed Brinley loads. I did some revision and went to sleep. I talked to the Ex and he was way depresso (sorry for spending a whole year dissapointing you etc.) so I was comforting him and said don't you dare wallow in self pity because at some points we did have a good relationship and stuff. I told him how I initally fancied him as he put himself across as confident and interesting over the internet and he said oh cheers.

Ugh I'm annoyed at mum- she wont let me go out and meet Brinley when he's arriving back from Ornkey at 10pm (which is pretty late but still).

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Day 88/367

Brinley came round to my house this morning and we pulled on my bed loads and he lifted me up! It was so sexy it was unreal! and he like weight-lifted me like I was a weight! Nomnomnom....Finally I weigh less than 9 stone so it's all good. He had his hands on my ass and he had a boner. Ahh. I miss him so much right now, he's gone to Orkney for rugby. I'm seeing him on Monday...I can't wait so much!

Day 87/367

Today was insane. After school I had Bollywood dancing and was going to meet up with Brinley at the gym. I seen him and went over and it was pretty awkward but ok. Afterwords we went to my house so I could change my trackies to jeans and went to Asda and did a lot of hugging. We went to the bus station and saw some people there and then they asked Brinley if he said yes to asking me out and he said yes!

We kissed at the bus station and he had a semi. HAHAHA! And he said because of that thats why he kept pulling away from hugging me in Asda.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

Day 86/367

So I went to the youth cafe. And he wasnt there. FML. And this other boy freddi perved on me like LOADS which was very freaky what a creep. Ahh I'd bang Brinley I'm hopefully FINALLY going to see him tomorrow at the leisure centre.

I got a 1 in drama CHUFT even though our performance screwed up loads

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Day 85/367

I was so ill it was unreal. I was meant to meet up with Brinley after school but he was ill too so we didn't meet up but we had a huge conversation on MSN so that was OK.

Still seeing him on Friday and MAYBE tomorrow....ooh hes so FIT hes apparently got a 6 pack and he has this EPIC HAIR that's EPIC...

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Day 84/367

I cried in biology today it was SO EMBARRASING. Everything had sort of built up and it all came out. The crying wouldnt stop for ages which was SO ANNOYING!

SEEING BRINLEY TOMORROW! Booyah! Haha I love Jacob...

Jacob: why were you asking me those questions earlier?
Me: I was tring to get into brinleyys pants with gaming knowlage
Jacob: So hes into gaming?
Me: he likes resident evil and halo
Jacob: damn oh i may get into his pants aswell

Monday, 21 March 2011

day 83/367

I made a complete shit today.

My friend (and friend of Brinley's) kept being bitchy and saying I was hypocritical for saying he was gay (which I thought I hadn't said) and I said to her friend (big mistake) that she was twisting things. Of course her friend told her. But it was that time I probably had said he was gay because I didnt even know him then and I was having a shite day. I said sorry like loads. I hope to god she hasn't told Brinely any of this.

He's on MSN but not replying to my messages and he's on facebook chat but still hasn't replied to my inbox....ahh :'(

I waxed most of my fagina today so that was ok.

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Day 82/367

Day 82367 is officially my favourite day ever.

BRINLEY IS SO LOVELY we have so much in common its unreal! And he plays rugby! And goes to the gym! And actually DOES STUFF like being in a band and and and he draws and everything!


OH GOD IM SEEING HIM ON SATURDAY! I need to wax! And not sweat! And have white teeth! And nonstinky breath!


Saturday, 19 March 2011

Day 81/367


Today I wore high waister shorts with Shannon's lovely baggy top tucked in. We met him in the park so I was CRAZY glad I'd showered that morning. Apparently Brinley might ask me out!

Ahh I'm so dusty in the terms of relationships...I'll have to start...waxing my pubes!And wearing nice panties! God....

Day 80/367

Today was Red Nose Day which was super because I was geek chic with Hello Kitty tshirt, shorts, converse and my huge boombox bag. It was a really good day but I wished I wasnt so unwell for all of it.

Shannon slept over and we did some very good bitching about people, especially the Girl-That-I-Hate and about the boy I fancy called Brinley

We got to sleep at 5am. Haha

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Day 79/367

I got hit on by a girl. It was very, very strange.

I went to a youth cafe and met a load of people but I was really awkward because I didn't know a lot of them. I seen my friend and her boyfriend kissing and felt very jealous.

Tomorrow's red nose day and I'm going as a scene kid! woowoowoo!

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Day 78/367

I got so angry today. One of my teachers keeps making fun of this retarded boy. It pisses me off so much
AND the girl that I hate was like 'put the bag in the bin!' when this guy Peter was playing about with it.

Punch in the face.

I have discovered a sexy thing called fullstops. I use them all the time now in facebook. They make life so much more dramatic.

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Day 77/367

I hate. Colds.

Today was pretty minging. I wore shorts which didn't help because my registration teacher keeps picking on me for wearing jeans. I keep getting notifications on facebook. I feel way popular.

Someone asked me on formspring:

"Youve got some set of tits lol what size?"

I replied 28AAA and made myself chuckle out loud. What a saddo I am.

Monday, 14 March 2011

Day 76/367

Yuck. I am bogey QUEEN. I hate having a cold.

I hate Sam. He's too witty for me. On facebook I deleted one of his comments because I couldnt be assed coming up with a cleverer, funnier answer than him. Maybe it's from years of being bullied for being ugly he's developed this unusual skill.

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Day 75/367

Its completely mental outside. I slept for ages untill 11 o clock which was dandy. Me and Mum walked Sunny outside in the gale and then went to Tesco and bought loads of food (and two hoodies for me! Woot woot!)

I had a very productive day of tidying my room AND cleaning my rat out. I feel really happy apart from my minging running nose because of the cold I cought from going to the showies yesterday.

I watched Crufts and the Ex kept going on about he wanted a husky and a collie. This really pisses me off because he has this stupid idea in his mind about dogs that they're going to be perfect 'loyal companions' as soon as you get them. I told him it's not all to do with what the dog looks like. He replied-

'Is that how you convinced yourself to get sunny? XD'

Fuck him. That REALLY pissed me off. It's like adopting a disabled kid and telling someone how it's not just appearance and what's on the outside and then them saying 'is that how you convinced yourself...'

Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe it's just because this is the time I'd usually have my period if I wasn't on the pill.

 I didn't text him back. I didn't even say hi on MSN and gave him one-word answers.

Day 74/367

Tonight was lovely. The weather was completely mental, it was freezing wind with sideways rain. We went to the showies though which was super!

There wasn't a lot of people there so the guy operating the Miami did a magic trick for us and made the Miami stop for ages at the top and then go crazy-fast. I borrowed mum's camera and that took some good(ish) photos of us which was good.

I told the Ex he looked sexy in this red shirt he was wearing. Ahh, I'd bone that boy.

When we dropped Shannon off at home mum rajjed at me for how 'casual' I am when I'm around friends. She said sorry for it later though which was lovely.

Friday, 11 March 2011

Day 73/367

I dreamed it was Sunday this morning and slept in. I was way annoyed at this because we'd be doing softball outside in PE today.

I was happy all day today which was good. I always can't remember what happens when I'm writing my blog which is annoying. During Bollywood dancing tonight I started missing the Ex's body and me scratching his back during sexy times.

Me and him finally had the talk I've been wanting to do for ages, about if maybe us could get back together.
I think it would be possible for a few reasons and he said (well he didn't say but he didnt disagree) that it could work, but none of us had the money and he didn't have the time.

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Day 72/367

I got called pathetic, bone idle and lazy all in one day today by my teachers. Happy days!

Today was good though, I got lots of sleep so it was just dandy. After school Jacob gave me a demonstration of his fleshlight (It kind of actually feels like a vagina on the inside) and it made me realise how much I miss sexy times with the Ex. Ahh!

Day 71/367

Today was torture. I was so tired after taking erotic photos of myself all last night that I could barely stay awake all of today. I also had maths tutor after school which was very painful, and then I had to walk home without a coat into a freezing wind that turned my hands blue.

The evening was good though, mum came and sat on my bed and talked to me for a bit whilst I did my art essay so that's good

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Day 70/367

Wow day 70!

I ate like a FAT SHITHOLE today. I drank a litre of strawberry milkshake (I told Mum I poured it away), 2x dairylea dunkers, a chocolate praline egg, a twirl, noodles and a cereal bar.

I feel fat.

I painted my nails neon with purple lightningbolts and blue dots which is pretty epic. I wish I could do it to my right hand though.

I WANT TO GO OUT WITH THE EX. I keep imagining hugging him and kissing him and everything! Argh!

That girl Lauren who thinks she has big boobs pissed me off again today. She was taking a raj at this other girl Shannon for 'throwing her life away' and 'shagging everyone' (Shannon has a boyfriend and has had for quite a few months) then she went on to say that 'no boy wants to go out with me because I'm so tight, all boys only have one thing on their mind'. Hey Lauren, I don't know what sort of relationships you've had. Oh wait. You havn't had any.

This really pissed me off, it was like saying anyone who'd had a boyfriend or had had sex was throwing their life away and was a complete sadass. Urgh.

Monday, 7 March 2011

Day 69/367

I took loads of black and white underwear pictures of me. I put my webcam on my light which was pretty epic.

The Ex asked me what I was up to  and I said taking photos. He called me vain. I hate that boy. Stuff like that makes me feel too bad to put any pictures I take of myself on Facebook or anything.

Mum's in a really weird mood which is a pain in the ass.

I think I fancy the Gamer.

Day 68/367

Nothing much happened today

I was so tired today everything felt like it was a dream.

My bruise from the showies covered my whole elbow which is pretty minging

Saturday, 5 March 2011

Day 67/367


The gorgeous Latvian went on  my lap on the tugada. I jizzed a bit. I also did a tiny pee on the miami when it whooshed down (I'm such a pussy I couldnt breath on it at the start cos my throat tightened up so I had to do breathing techniques to enjyo it)

I fell off the tugada as well and my knees are bust and then the Latvian's friend crushed my elbow on it which'll bruise loads.

Shannon's friend Hayley was a pain, we were waiting for my mum and she was complaining that she wanted to go back to see this boy she fancies. I pointed out to her that if she went then I'd be left on my own outside with a huge group of polish men I don't know but she didn't see it that way.

Oh god. Sam was there. He has such a...unique....facial structure. I couldn't make proper eyecontact because I didn't want to stare.

I want to go back out with the Ex so much! argh!

Day 66/367

I ate 1000calories of a chocolate bunny dad gave me. I feel pretty sick, but I'm still under 9 1/2 stone so it's all good.

Look at this girl's hair! Imagine how MUCH OF IT there must be when she has it down and normal. Wow. I wish I had hair like that. I'm gonna backcombe it tomorrow up town, scene style.

I'm considering getting red streak things in my hair.

Ahh, the Ex's eyes are so beautiful. I was looking at him on webcam and it struck me that I had kissed him. Weird.

Thursday, 3 March 2011

Day 65/367

I didn't go to school today. I was knackered after last night of late-night-art-essaying and meeting mum at the trainstation at half 11pm.

I did have a productive day though: I cleaned out my menagerie, walked sunny and picked up Jacob's fleshlight parcel from the post office. Me and mum found a dead cat in a binbag on a walk though. Not so good.

Day 64/367

Two things made my day today.

1. I got told by my vauge friend she'd never heard people bitching about me. This is a complete surprise because the general rule is- the more you bitch the more you get bitched about.

2. Someone told me that in a discussion, this person who I thought regarded me as a mong said I was the most bangable in the whole English class because I have a 'good body'. (I'd eaten a crisp roll and a chocolate sundae and an easteregg for lunch so this made me feel very good)

I like the Ex again. I went on webcam to him for the first time in months. I didn't have a lot of makeup on but I looked OK. To add to his freaky poster collection he's got a picture of jumping dolphins and another one of puppies. I commented on this, but he wasn't too perplexed by my judging. Are puppies and dolphins normal for a testosterone-filled, sperm-filled, coming-on-19 year old guy?

When I was on webcam to him I did some stretching to show off my boobies in my tight top, careful not to lift my arms to reveal the 2-days-unwashed sweaty fuzz my underarms were harbouring. Why was I showing my boobies to this guy who has posters of puppies adorning his wall? I have no idea.

I'm a lot more masculine than him and I'm a completely different gender. It just doesn't make sense.

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Day 63/367

Ugh. Can't be ersed with the Ex. Sometimes I just forget what a freaky shit he is. Ugh. He has a poster of two retriever puppies and lovehearts on his wall. Jacob has game posters, Cale has ninja drawings, Scott has naked's just not normal.

Mum's away in England for her Masters couse so I watched Shawshank Redemption and ate a lot of shit. Making shortbreads at the moment and listening to Stepping Stone by Duffy which is a banging tune for what I feel at the moment. Ugh.