23rd May

I was meant to go up town today but it was such shit weather outside I slept in till about 12.

Mum's still not on proper talking terms with me. I'm not going to cave. I meant what I said.

Brinley came round and we went to the gym and I'm starting to enjoy it, woowoo!
I've lost two balls off both my wrist piercings. Meh.

So we came back and chatted for ages about pubic hair and he gave me a massage and we talked about sex and getting pressured. I realised that I had been pressured with the Ex. It left me with a weird feeling.

I've eaten between 800-900 calories today and my stomach's making funny noises. I'td be better if I ate between 600-800 but oh well. I'm getting an 18 calorie icelolly.

22nd May

I went to my Granny's for lunch today. My grandad's starting to really forget things. It's heartbreaking.

Dad finally bought me a TV today- it's HUGE in my room! 22inch with a DVD player. Mega chuft! Not so chuft I can't get music channels though. Agh!

I saw Brinley for like half an hour when his mum went to Tesco. Loveage.

I took a raj at mum because she bought a huge pack of kitkats and ate 4 strawberry tarts. I called her selfish because we're going to Canada in less than 2 months.

Ugh. My guidance teacher once said that obese people eat themselves to suicide. I think that could possibly be true.

15th May

Me and Shannon didn't really do a lot all morning, watched Scooby Doo, Fingertips and some other kid's tv, I had a shower and fake tanned, ate cate, cleaned up. I felt sick and tired and headachey. Is that a hangover? Possibly.

Mum came home and was uber tired and Dad kept being bad so I had to throw him out even though he'd bought us tea. (Which I didn't feel was very fair that I had to do even though it was mum who wanted him out.)

I watched pokemon and did bugger all for the rest of the day and phoned Brinley for ages (who is sitll rubbing in I double booked him yesterday with Shannon when I already said I would see him) but I'll see him tomorrow so it's all good.

Day 122/367

We boned.

After 1 month and 4 days.

He got scared that mum or someone would walk in and got soft. I felt so sorry for him!

Today's brought us closer though. He said he was into corsets and I was like WTF I LOVE CORSETS AND ALL THAT SHIT. Our next sexy time is going to be SUPER. I need to wax. I'm like a forest out of control. I got handcuffed today. It'd be better if I was hair-free and more comfortable though.

I hate my sister so much. I think she heard some of our 'revision' today. Great fun. I dont care though. I've stopped caring what she thinks. She showed Brinley her tattoo on her side today when there was an equally good tattoo on her innocent wrist. She said my hoodie was tight fitting on him too, e.g, he was fat. Which he's not. Even though his 12 stone squashes me if he's lying on top of me but MY stomachs flabbier than his when I pinch the skin together.

Hate her so much UGH.

I might go to a party woop woop tomorrow with Brinley. Planning on boobs OOT and heels. Gotta make that boy PROTECTIVE!

Day 92/367

Today was great apart from the end. Me and Shannon went to see a talent show Brinley was playing. That was fine and dandy but Mum was in one of her crazymoods and was like LET'S GO TO BURGERKING!!! and then when Brinley's dad came she went over and was like HI I'M JENS MUM!!!!

Ugh. I don't know why that annoyed me so much but sometimes I really resent her. She has no willpower to stop eating shit and it's really really pissing me off. I should stop thinking about her otherwise I'm gonna get more stressed.

Stress Factors Right Now:

1. Mum
2. Room smells of feet
3. My rat keeps being bad but she needs cleaned out
4. My eyeliner gave up on me and went all flakey
5. I forgot to suck my stomach in most of the night and I was in a tight top FML.

Day 65/367

I didn't go to school today. I was knackered after last night of late-night-art-essaying and meeting mum at the trainstation at half 11pm.

I did have a productive day though: I cleaned out my menagerie, walked sunny and picked up Jacob's fleshlight parcel from the post office. Me and mum found a dead cat in a binbag on a walk though. Not so good.

Day 60/367

Ughh today was the showies. My calves, thighs, butt, back, ribs, and abdominal muscles ache SO MUCH and I've got a headache.

The showies were OK. It would be better if I went with more fun people (Hayley was well boring and didn't even talk to me and Shannon felt sick and didn't go on any rides [apart of Move It which is mental, like a giant waltzer that bounces up and down I fell over trying to get off it twice because I was so dizzy]

I ate food, watched Casualty, texted the Ex, talked to mum and went to bed. I texted him 'Ahh I love my bed!' and he mysteriously replied 'mhmm me too.'

He misses my bed?

Day 54/367

I just ate about 1000calories worth of chocolate mousse. And an extra 400 of apple crumble. This girl Amber said I had a perfect figure when I did the inbox-a-number-and-I'll-say-what-I-like so that's OK.

I hate having my sister home. She's skinny and pretty and compliments me all the time about how I have a better figure etc etc etc when she obviously is way prettier and nicer than me. It just pisses me off. And she's really really really two-faced. One time she's all nice and sugar sweet and the next shes a complete bitch and making you feel like a shit. She turns Mum against me too which is extremely annoying.

I painted my nails the gorgeous pastelish-denim blue colour and straightened my hair so I feel sexy with my glasses tomorrow.

Ugh I've got a whole French essay to memorise for tomorrow...FML.

HOLY CRAP.

I talked to The Ex on MSN.

Me: I wish you liked talking to me
The Ex: How come?
Me: Cos I like talking to you :LThe Ex: But you've been fine for the last few weeks?
(that pissed me off.)
Me: I don't *have* to talk to you I just like to :L
The Ex: Well what would you have us talk about?
(frikkin Victorian-age old bugger.)

So we talked about him not getting into the RAF and a bunch of stuff I already knew from relentless Facebook stalking. I told him what I'd been up to: getting an industrial piercing (I didn't elaborate on the piercing part, trying to coax him into asking me about myself.), The Sleepover, losing weight, gaining weight.

Day 45/367

I was meant to get up at 9 today. We all went to tesco and bought £15 worth of munchies (DISCLUDING the price two huge packets of chicken and 16 tortillas!) for tomorrows BIG SLEEPOVER. Then we were paying and I tried giving the wifey my clubcard she said in this sort of voice that dripped 'I hate teenagers. I think you're fucking scum that you had to be eighteen to have a clubcard. I had read the brochure about clubcards which said you had to be 16. Anyway, shouldn't Tesco be promoting younger generations to be loyal to them?

Some people just take their jobs too seriously.

And some people are so prejudiced about teenagers.

Well anyways we went to the skating disco. I especially wore full makeup and a tight little cami that emphasized my boobies. Unfortunately all the people there were about 13 and under. There was this mascot moose guy and Jess' boyfriend annoyed him and he gave him the middle finger.
My friend Hayley gave me and Eilidh her camera to look after so we took loads of pictures of my boobs and me squatting on a toilet with it which was super.

I got home and uploaded all my photos which took a million years thanks to facebooks gay new photo-viewer thing, and then me and Mum went to Bollywood dancing.

Ahh, I'm knackered now. I feel great though, skinny and confident. Just dandy! And I have to decoraaaaate tomorrow...can't wait so much! Ahh!

Day 44/367

Today started out great. I got up at 10:35, got ready and went to tesco to be a Sexy Shopper in tight tshirt and shorties.. I was buying two sets of ingrediants-one for a chocolate cake and one for a cheesecake. It was damn stressful. Especially when I couldn't find buttermilk (I didn't even know what it was...was it solid? Like a sweetie? Or like...milk?) I had little sweat patches afterwords.

I cooked and baked and prepared and cleaned for about 4 hours. I had to use my two saucepans 5 times (cleaning them thoroughly each time).

The cake turned out gorgeous. I got it from the BBC Goodfood website. Jacob said it was lovely too. We went to a restraunt (I had these chickeny skewers) Jacob said I wasn't a person because I didn't eat the two dips or the burnt bits.

I'm really annoyed at mum right now. She whined at me to give her cake. She can't control her eating, and to make matters worse I have to seem like I'm a good influence on her because she goes on about how 'strong' and 'inspirational' I am so I can't have a fat day. I wish she could just have enough willpower.