Day 62/367

That girl who I've mentioned before, the one who thinks she has huge tits was going on about them today. She said they were more than a handful. A B cup? Dude. You need 2 hands to hold one of mine, and its still not completely covered.

Today I was taking a dump and examining the Joop! advert. It's got a man with a yellow unzipped playsuit splashing into water. The yellow and blue contrasted good and it was certainly  eyecatching (as all Joop adverts are) but I wasn't going to have that creep looking at me wiping my erse.

I told the Ex I was going to get naked and wet. (I was showering). He said he didn't care. Fingers crossed that my text gave him a raging boner. And a spot of precum.

Day 61/367

I ate like a shit today.  I had sunday lunch of pork chops (ich but the gravy and potatos make up) and pudding. Then I indulged in a £3.50 Cosmo and a 240-calorie Galaxy cookie crumble.

I want the Ex. I want to hug him and kiss him and bone him and go out with him.

I didn't do my French essay so I'm in the shit for tomorrow. Ahh well. I bought some Impulse True Love bodyspray and handgel...mmm so thats just dandy. :)

Day 60/367

Ughh today was the showies. My calves, thighs, butt, back, ribs, and abdominal muscles ache SO MUCH and I've got a headache.

The showies were OK. It would be better if I went with more fun people (Hayley was well boring and didn't even talk to me and Shannon felt sick and didn't go on any rides [apart of Move It which is mental, like a giant waltzer that bounces up and down I fell over trying to get off it twice because I was so dizzy]

I ate food, watched Casualty, texted the Ex, talked to mum and went to bed. I texted him 'Ahh I love my bed!' and he mysteriously replied 'mhmm me too.'

He misses my bed?

Day 59/367

I got Sam's number today and sent him anonymus texts

Sam: So who are you?
Me: You're greatest fantasy in the shower
Sam: The honey monster O_O?
Me: So...you like them hairy?

I asked him if i could give into his nice tight butthole. I got a wrong-text from this guy saying 'Hey David you going bowling tonight?' and I said wrong text and they said 'whos this?' and I VERY STUPIDLY said Jen. Sam had borrowed someone elses phone. I'd been outsmarted by a freak.
I saw him in the corridor straight after too.
Oh dear.

I want to go back out with the Ex. I want him. I'd love him and be such a good girlfriend bringing him food and not complaining about the mindless, monotonous, nondescript sex.

Day 58/367

The Ex: I  just wanted to apologise for ignoring you for these last few months, I'm sorry

Holy crap. I can't stress how holy that crap is. It's like the same amount of holiness as the father of God who's gamete half made God himself.

I don't know what to do. Should I put him through all the pain I've suffered? One word answers and cold replies? Or should I talk, be sexy and potentially....go out with him again? He admitted that he didn't talk to me because he was afraid of falling in love with me again.

I did my French speaking test and only at the end realised I'd been staring at my French teacher's crotch for most of it. FML.

Beautiful-Eyes from Plenty of Fish added me on MSN...He doesn't know I'm 16. He's 22. I don't know what to say! Do adult people have different conversation styles to normal people? Argh!

I admitted my youth when he asked what age I was. I accidently slipped into writing all Shakespearian 'I hope you don't mind my tender youth'. Then I started typing like an illiterate. 'I never wouldv guesded you was 22 from your photays'.
I started talking about peeing loads.
Ugh.
Whats wrong with me...I havn't had a flirtatious conversation in about 3 years. I'm out of touch. Unskilled. Rusty. Tarnished. I did masterbate for the first time in quite a while though. And rubbed glittery moisturiser on my boobs....that's a start.

Day 57/367

I might be going to Paris in the holidays! The trip includes all the siteseeing stuff, DISNEY!! And a 3* hotel with inclusive swimming pool. This put an imagine of me in a bikini all tanned and skinny from Canada.

Today was pretty OK my sister's gone home (phew) and I'm really tired. For some reason my electric bed's been on all day and I'm pretty sure I turned it off which is a bit creepy.

Can't wait till Saturday...THE SHOWIES! Mon the pop music, drugs, drink and chavs!

Day 56/367

I felt ill this morning so I slept in till breaktime. On the way to school this woman asked me what the time was which took me completely by surprise as I was probably scowling at the ground and looking anti-approchable.

I felt guilty about the waterbottle incident with Sam so I told him it wasn't me. He only wrote like one response so I think he dislikes me.

I had this minging headache all day but I ate:

88calorie cereal bar
Pasta Salad
Pomegranate+Blueberries
88calorie cereal bar
1 fajitta

I'm gonna make a tuna wrap for tomorrow

Day 55/367

I paid Rebecca £1 to throw a waterbottle off Sam.

It hit his leg so I gave her 20p.

I decided I'm gonna be healthy tomorrow so I made a pasta salad! All by my self! And a fruit salad of pomegranate seeds and blueberries! Hoping to join the gym too.

Today I was complaining about my huge spot on my forehead and Mr Menzies butted into our conversation and said 'ohh you have another one their'. I told him very acidically that that was my scar.

Day 54/367

I just ate about 1000calories worth of chocolate mousse. And an extra 400 of apple crumble. This girl Amber said I had a perfect figure when I did the inbox-a-number-and-I'll-say-what-I-like so that's OK.

I hate having my sister home. She's skinny and pretty and compliments me all the time about how I have a better figure etc etc etc when she obviously is way prettier and nicer than me. It just pisses me off. And she's really really really two-faced. One time she's all nice and sugar sweet and the next shes a complete bitch and making you feel like a shit. She turns Mum against me too which is extremely annoying.

I painted my nails the gorgeous pastelish-denim blue colour and straightened my hair so I feel sexy with my glasses tomorrow.

Ugh I've got a whole French essay to memorise for tomorrow...FML.

HOLY CRAP.

I talked to The Ex on MSN.

Me: I wish you liked talking to me
The Ex: How come?
Me: Cos I like talking to you :LThe Ex: But you've been fine for the last few weeks?
(that pissed me off.)
Me: I don't *have* to talk to you I just like to :L
The Ex: Well what would you have us talk about?
(frikkin Victorian-age old bugger.)

So we talked about him not getting into the RAF and a bunch of stuff I already knew from relentless Facebook stalking. I told him what I'd been up to: getting an industrial piercing (I didn't elaborate on the piercing part, trying to coax him into asking me about myself.), The Sleepover, losing weight, gaining weight.

Day 53/367

Majorly pissed off. Loads of people underage got tickets to Mumford and Sons. And got on TV.

I am rich right now. My EMA money has finally come in! £120! So now I've got about £210 saved up for Canada, spent £20 of it on nailvarnish and eyeliner and glasses with about £15 left over in my normal account.

I feel really sad right now and cry-y. I miss the Ex like crazy...
So I put on facebook 'Is experiencing some very late heartbreak even though its like 4 months later' and *BLING* the Ex signed in on MSN. But hasn't talked. Please talk...I think I love you

Day 52/367

The lady at sound and vision said you had to be 16 to even GET IN to Mumford and Sons. This wasn't a problem for me but Eilidh and Shannon are both 15.

At lunchtime I forgot it was lunch and had this huge mindfuck of surprise that it was lunchtime and not hometime. 

I can't remember what happened today which is a complete arse. I keep missing and wanting the Ex.

Day 51/367

I want sex. I keep having sex dreams!

It was sunny today which made me crazy happy. Today's been the first day in about a month when I havn't slept during the day which is completely insane.

Mumford+Sons ticket-plan looks good, me and some other people might do camping!

So I put this thing on facebook and the 3rd person who liked it got to ask me a question that I had to answer honestly. Guess who liked it.

Me: Youve got a question to ask meee

Sam: Nahh dm
Me: Noooo ask pleaseee?
Me: Sammmm :)
Sam: What was the reason you never wanted to meet me properly
Me: COS YOURE UGLY, BITCH!! (I said that in my head.)
Me: Cos I didnt want a relationship :)
Sam: I only wanted to be friends
Sam: I told you that
Me: Okkiesss (and I put the kissing face :*...I really have to stop messing with this boy)
Sam: Well it's a bit late now
Me: ??

He still hasn't replied.

Day 50/367

Today was shite. Jess was a bitch in art. It rained. Everyone was grumpy. I got pooed on. I want to go back out with The Ex.

I bought stickers from Tesco and made little cards for everyone.
Paige turned out to be allergic to dogs which made me feel really bad.

I ate good today though but I watched The Elephant: Life After Death which was absolutely disgusting because a hyena started munching on its butthole and a bubble came out and  made me feel sick so I stopped watching.

OMFG I MIGHT GO AND SEE MUMFORD AND SONS!!

Day 49/367

I wore shorts today. In first period I sat down and the Girl-That-I-Hate checked out the size of my thighs so obviously it was unbelievable. She actually turned her head down and looked at them. I was happy with my outfit though. Shorts, rocketdog pumps and highlights of red on my nails and my cami.

My French teacher keeps having sex with his desk. He sort of thrusts himself onto it and presses his winkie against the corner.

I'm starting to be uber-healthy tomorrow and even made 3 posters: Drink Water, Eat 2+ things of fruit 'n' veg and aim to weigh 9 stone or less.

I told my dad I was hungry today and he got all stressed because he didn't know what to do or say to me. Haha aww poor dad!

Robyn subtly persuaded the Ex to consider going back out with me....hmm I hope it works..

Day 48/367

I slept in till 2pm cuddling Sunny and dreaming that I had a fossil amonite in my ear that had flesh grown around it so I had to go to the doctors to get antibiotics to get it out.

Eilidh came round to do some art homework but we only did a paragraph. We went to Tesco on the way to Eilidh's curling and I bought a red heart cushion (I'm trying to make my room girlier) and two £1 packs of Thornton's chocolate selections which were all minging.

I started feeling great later, I did my Anorexia essay and painted my nails with two whole coats and even straightened my hair. This weekend's been a great confidence boost.
I texted Jacob 'Guess what I used ;)' as I had used my vibrator for the first time properly this morning. I instantly regretted telling him because he started asking endless questions about it and probably wanking. I'm going to buy his fleshlight soon so that'll make him happy.

Day 47/367

I had cheesecake for breakfast today which was yumtastic.

I watched the first Pokemon film on video today. Retrooo! I also made a dressing up box for all my wings and old scene and goth clothes. It's Jacob's birthday today so he'll have his fleshlight by the end of this week.

So today's not really been to interesting. Gotta do some major tidying in my room and writing two essays.

Day 46/367

"So a Jewish man comes into asda and slaps his circumsized cock on the till and shouts 'roll that back bitch!"-Hahahahaha facebook like of the day!

Today was The Sleepover.

We cooked millions of fajittas and everyone contributed (even Shannon!). Then we played Truth Or Dare where we put the truths and dares into a hat...I accidently put loads of lesbo ones in so I got taken the piss out of many times. (I am bi though so ya'know.) One of the dares was to show a nipple on webcam but no one did it.

We did makeovers in two styles-slutty schoolgirl and scene

We went to pjs and did some bitching and watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Next morning I told Shannon that mum could give us a lift and she was said 'thats nice'. I said 'oh well if you're gonna be ungreatful then nevermind' and didn't let her have cheesecake for breakfast.

Day 45/367

I was meant to get up at 9 today. We all went to tesco and bought £15 worth of munchies (DISCLUDING the price two huge packets of chicken and 16 tortillas!) for tomorrows BIG SLEEPOVER. Then we were paying and I tried giving the wifey my clubcard she said in this sort of voice that dripped 'I hate teenagers. I think you're fucking scum that you had to be eighteen to have a clubcard. I had read the brochure about clubcards which said you had to be 16. Anyway, shouldn't Tesco be promoting younger generations to be loyal to them?

Some people just take their jobs too seriously.

And some people are so prejudiced about teenagers.

Well anyways we went to the skating disco. I especially wore full makeup and a tight little cami that emphasized my boobies. Unfortunately all the people there were about 13 and under. There was this mascot moose guy and Jess' boyfriend annoyed him and he gave him the middle finger.
My friend Hayley gave me and Eilidh her camera to look after so we took loads of pictures of my boobs and me squatting on a toilet with it which was super.

I got home and uploaded all my photos which took a million years thanks to facebooks gay new photo-viewer thing, and then me and Mum went to Bollywood dancing.

Ahh, I'm knackered now. I feel great though, skinny and confident. Just dandy! And I have to decoraaaaate tomorrow...can't wait so much! Ahh!

Day 44/367

Today started out great. I got up at 10:35, got ready and went to tesco to be a Sexy Shopper in tight tshirt and shorties.. I was buying two sets of ingrediants-one for a chocolate cake and one for a cheesecake. It was damn stressful. Especially when I couldn't find buttermilk (I didn't even know what it was...was it solid? Like a sweetie? Or like...milk?) I had little sweat patches afterwords.

I cooked and baked and prepared and cleaned for about 4 hours. I had to use my two saucepans 5 times (cleaning them thoroughly each time).

The cake turned out gorgeous. I got it from the BBC Goodfood website. Jacob said it was lovely too. We went to a restraunt (I had these chickeny skewers) Jacob said I wasn't a person because I didn't eat the two dips or the burnt bits.

I'm really annoyed at mum right now. She whined at me to give her cake. She can't control her eating, and to make matters worse I have to seem like I'm a good influence on her because she goes on about how 'strong' and 'inspirational' I am so I can't have a fat day. I wish she could just have enough willpower.

Day 43/367

I had this weird-ass dream that the gorgeous Latvian Boy threw this clod of grass at me and it made my scaffold fall off (in real life you have to unscrew the little ball and slide it out). I had French next and begged my French teacher to let me go and find it. He sort of lay his head on top of my head and said no.

We've got this tall maths teacher. When I say tall I mean gigantic. I come up to about his bicep (I'm 5'5) and he has to bend to get in the doorway, and even then he stoops when he stands. If he stood up next to a door he'd be about a head taller than the top of the frame.

I think I should rephrase my essay question to 'Does writing an essay about anorexia influence the writer to become anorexic?' I've started getting real worried about my weight. I weighed myself today and I'm about 1 segment on the scale over 9 stone. Ideally I'd like to be 8 stone but I've sort of pleateaud. The only way I can break this is by eating 400-800 calories a day and going to the gym three times a week, but this leads to tiredness and dismotivation from schoolwork. It's pants because it can only go one way or another: Education or Skinniness. Holidays are an ideal time to get slim.

Tomorrow I'm going to bake a chocolate cake for Jacob and also a cheesecake for Saturday. Oh god, I'm going to have to try REALLY hard not to munch them...

Day 42/367

We get to choose what topic our english essay's going to be on. I chose anorexia, and did some research. Some of the stuff I found online, the 'tips' to help people become anorexic are actually disturbing. Most of them talk about how 'Don't look in the fridge. Are you going to listen to Ana? She's always watching you...'
Crazy, crazy stuff.

Whenever I sleep during the day I forget what's happened earlier that day. SO annoying! 'specially for writing this blawwg.

I hope the sleepover goes as planned. My whole group of friends have sort of turned against Shannon. Including me now, today I said I thought foundation lips were minging (she agrees with me when it's just me and her) but because her wee pal was there she was like 'Well I think scaffolding in your ear is absolutely disgusting'. She said she thought it was cool before. I hate how people can change if their other little friendies are around them. Ugh.

Day 41/367

My little hammy Sputnik died. I think he must have died on Saturday. I feel so guilty for not checking him that day but when I went to feed him there was The Smell so I knew what had happened. (I had been anticipating it though, he was over 4 years old)

Today I burried him in his little blue house with his food bowl with 2 peanuts in. I planted sunflowers in my room so I can transfer them when they're big enough beside his grave.

So today's been pretty pants. I didn't go to school. There was a letter about me not wearing school uniform which might mean I won't get my EMAs. And it was raining.

I miss the Ex so much. I texted him about Sputnik's death and he phoned me to listen to my crying and snottering all my bogies into a tissue. I want to hug him and go out with him again.

Day 40/367

I gave myself a Brazilian today. I'm too chicken to do it with proper waxing so I do it with some Nair sensitive skin hair removal cream (this leaves little prickles though which isn't ideal. Better than a wild forest however.). I got rid of my arm hairs too so I'm all smooth. I forgot to take my bra off before I put the cream on so I had to do a game of don't-touch-the-wire with my bra.

I hope Vanilla Ice stays in Dancing on Ice. He's the only reason I really watch it, apart from the crazy-insane outfits, and maybe also Jennifer who's in Hollyoaks.

I ate like a shit again. Need to sort that out.

I fell asleep with a facemask on so now I've got an insanely smooth face. I hope it's sunny tomorrow so I can wear my shorts.

Day 39/367

I wore my extensions today! They're a complete bugger to put in though but they make you feel so feminine and pretty. I saw Sam on the escalator in Tesco! I said hey. He said hi and looked at the ground. Thank god I was looking good today instead of him catching me off guard alone with no makeup.. (he's started talking to me again on MSN and then asked if I wanted to see that freaky alien film called Paul on valentines day. Uhh, Sam, just because I said hi doesn't mean I want to eh, go out with you?) I ate like a fat shit today. Gotta cut down Fat Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays to just Fat Friday.

I saw the Kings Speech today, it's really good!

My top lips split completely and nothing seems to be healing it. I bought 70p plasters with 'Butterfly and Friends' on them to put on my minging infected green bugbite on my arm.

La vie est belle!

Day 38/367

I got a scaffolding in my ear today! Hurt like a shit though. The piercing was OK but it ached so much afterwords Also my Chinese hair arrived! I had to dye my hair pure black (missing out a vital spot at the back which has kept brown unfortunately) to match the colour of the extensions. When they're in they go past the bottom of my boobs, that's how long they are! Mum says they don't look fake but I'll need a second opinion tomorrow. Oh god it'll probably goddamn rain tomorrow so the humidity will make my real hair go wavy with the Chinese hair staying completely straight. Fingers crossed for good weather!

I got my English essay read out in front of the class today. The evil hag said it was the best one which I am major chufteres about, even though the process of her reading it was like a prolonged torture session. Ha! At one point my English teacher asked what was wrong about one of my sentences The Girl-That-I-Hate said that there shouldn't be an apostrophe in the word 'let's', but instead it was the somewhat vague badly used comma instead of a full stop elsewhere in the sentence, hehe!

I made a soap opera about a family of origami frogs. It was very complex, including racial discrimination and rape. It was pretty intense.

Chufters all round!

Day 36/367

I experimented with sellotape after my shower whilst waiting for my bra to dry. I sellotaped my boobs up into perky pornstarness. It looked good under a tshirt, but if that tshirt was removed the viewer would be completely dissapointed in your DIY wonders.

I have to print my english essay tomorrow to show the whole class...oh god! How completely crazy-embarrasing!

After trying and testing many spot reducing gels and creams the grand prize still goes to toothpaste. I squeezed it out in its jolly stripiness and applied it to the volcano on my chin. (Oh dear, yesterday I was complaining at length to Jacob about aforementioned spot and the gorgeous Latvian boy was right behind me. I noticed him looking down a lot and wondered if he was checking out my butt or just trying not to trip on the stairs.)

I also discovered that if you position a mirror with another mirror so you can see yourself, and hold in your thighs from the front you can see what you'd look like if you were size 6. Quality!

Day 35/367

I can't do too much bloggage today because it's past my bed time. I got the rest of my marks in- three whole ones! And five two's which is pretty good too.

Eaten 580 something calories. Goodgood. Mum says I might get into starvation mode and put on weight. I don't know if this is true or not so I'ma google it. I'm so glad I got top top in Drama, it was crazy hard. But yeah, not much to say today. Hair extenders are coming tomorrow I hope. I tried on my basque, skinny jeans and fat belt for my sexy red devil outfit and it looked ok. I hope my backflab will be gone by 12th Febuary, Day 45/367!

Day 34/367

This calorie counting exercise things going well! I feel so happy and energised. I've been getting sleep and drinking water so it's all good. Today's TV night though-My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and Secret Diary. Woowoo!

"I don't feel close to you in any way anymore". The Ex. Alright then. Go and frikkin' live your boring-ass life of working in Tesco, wearing chinos, thinking your this amazing philosophist and playing Xbox all day. Can't be arsed with you anymore.
I weighed my rat today because she's been pooing like insanity. She weighs 256g, female rats weigh between 200-500g so she's on the slim side, meaning I haven't been feeding her too much. I'm gonna try and litter train her to make her poos all in one corner of her cage which involves manually picking up about 20 or so of her little rat turds and putting them in a corner.

I'm MAJOR chufters with my prelim results.  In English today the girl that I hate was all smug about getting a 1 in reading (I got a 2). But then she got a 3 in writing and I got a 1. That shut her up a bit.

To make things even better I'm getting a shitload of money from EMAs (£60 pound a fortnight if I do all my homework/am not late) and Dad's giving me money for any credits I get. Wootwoot! Planning to get a scaffold in my left ear with them.