First day of proper timetable, most of the classes are good but I got told off by the psycho art teacher who hates me already. Oh dear.
Me and this girl Kate are totally bums. She even invited me to her party...I'm becoming a popular! Oh dear, I'm shit scared of two of them, a bitch called Catherine and this other girl I barely speak to. But another friend Alice is going so it should be all good.
I also have no idea what to buy Kate.
I had an obese day today. RED day (1200+ calories) but I went to the gym anyway, I plan to start working out for longer too unless I have studying or homework.
Today was even worse for boringness, I kept almost falling asleep. The best part was this exercise for communication and you had to talk at someone for 5 minutes or be talked at. Unfortunately I ripped a hole in my tights just as this chavvy boy I slightly fancy who I think slightly fancies came over and became my partner. Even more unfortunately I had hairy legs and he saw them through my holey tights.
I also did the worst fake tan job ever on my arms. I left HUGE white patches.
I had quite a fat day and missed Brinley like loads, which was probably the cause of my fat day. I should stop relating food with emotions.
Today was pretty pants. After about 3 hours sleep I was grumpy so much untill I had a shower- the perfect cure.
We tidyed up for ages and went to the park and lay in the sun for a bit but there was still some tension between me and Brinley.
He stayed till like 9 and mum took him home, nothing else much happened that day apart from walking across town to Matalan and hearing a random banjo being played out the train conducter person's window.
I went out with Shannon during the day and spent loads of money on food. We met up with a huge group of people and I got a free subway from someone.
Later me and Brinley came back and for a treat for him I stripped naked apart from my high socks and a shirt. And we had VERY good and rough sex which was amazing because we were allowed to make noise.
We didn't do much till everyone else came round and then we started eating food and watching horrors, which was all good untill Freddi jokingly made a move on me and Brinley shoved him too hard and I went in a grump so he wandered off on his own which was worrying. We sorted it out and resolved it by agreeing that we'd come and talk to each other and I wouldn't ignore him if I was grumpy. I saw tears and that was very very bad I didn't realise how much I'd hurted him.
We came back and the rest of the night wasn't great because we didn't sleep together for the whole night untill the morning and he played pranks on people which I didn't want to happen.
Brinley slept round. It was too hot to cuddle though which sucked. We were both pretty grumpy at each other throughout the day. We went to the park and flopped for a bit, and then met up with friends and I spent the lat of my EMAS bought £10 worth of 4 pants, a cami and thigh high socks from Matalan.
I felt fat because Brinley wouldn't carry me. I mean, I shouldn't assume he'd carry me but it's just nice sometimes to feel femenin and thin.
I grumped at him some more but we both agreed it would be better tomorrow because we'll have slept and everything. Monster movie night tomorrow, woop woop!
I found out Brinley apparently has a savings account of £40,000 for when he's older. I asked mum if that was normal and she said no. I got angry because sometimes he say's he doesn't get a lot of money and shit so I lend him and dont ask for it back.
If I didn't have EMAS I'd be screwed. Ugh. Grumpage.
Today was my graph comm exam and I barely concentrated at all. I don't care though I don't mind if I do fail. Afterwords we went to the gym but i CBA so so much. We came home and went to Leah's and I ate like a monster fatman. I ate half a jar of peanut butter.
I woke up next to that lovely boy but had to walk with him to the bus station at like 8am. Afterwords I came back and slept for about a year. Then I walked Sunny (who was bad) and met up with Ben and Nikky and found out I got my EMAS. Woop woop! Brinley came back and I bought all my fake tan, body spray etc etc etc.
We met up with people (and this knob called Ross) and I made everyone pasta. Ross is such a dick. I asked my mum to stage a phone call to get rid of him but it was VERY transparent. I dont really care though. Asshole.
Everyone stayed for ages which was nice and I dyed my hair (which made no difference, I did leave it on for ages though but at least I no longer have roots). I LOVE BRINLEY SO MUCH. I kind of neglected him today but oh well. Saturday= Movie night and Thursday= Jess' dinner night. Much happiness.
I tought Primary kiddies drama today, and that was great but very challanging. I got such a headache
Brinley came round and we went to the gym (addicted now)
After that we went to Leah's house for AGES and talked about loads and loads and loads of stuff and I finally told someone my deep dark secret that a weirdass sac with its own blood supply came out in my period after I missed the pill for a few days. God help her if she tells anyone.
Brinley slept round, we didn't even bone we just watched the end of Black Swan and cuddled and he fell asleep. It's so nice sleeping next to someone you love.
That morning was very cold. We got up at like 7am to get some breakfast in the house. (Thank god I don't live far away.) We came back and cuddled then I got brought a muffin which was lovely then we put the tent down (I was in shorts. It was very cold.)
Afterwords we said we'd cuddle in my bed for maybe 10 minutes and slept for an hour an a half. The rest of the camping guys came in the lounge and we talked for ages which was good. After that we went to Asda and I felt the hangover coming on. I bought a Game of Thrones and a nice top and shortbreads and we sat outside on some display garden chairs.
Today a woman had a fit. It was so scary to watch it was completely INSANE. Mum looked after her and I realised how proud of her I was just then.
I went to Jess' at 5 with my other bummers and we had a GREAT time and had a wee sesh. I got pretty darn tipsy. Nothing much happened apart from never ending happiness, and then I met up with Brinley and I apparently would shag him there and then if he hadn't of stopped me.
I sobered up by the time we got to the monument beside our house- our camping destination. After putting up the tent there was some rough shegging undertaken, but then we went into the other tent and played Strip Dares. Much nakedness and lesbian kissing. I was only in underwear (and a thong but that was concealed under the duvet me and a very naked Brinley were sharing), but people seen my boobs and congratulated me on them.
Afterwords we went back to the tent and slept. Brinley got grumpy because he was very cold and tired. I saved his friend William from hypothermia by letting him in our tent.
We had our first big fallout today. Brinley apparently told people (that I do not like) about my fabulous vibrator. Betrayal of trust. Blahblah. I cried and felt crap, he felt crap so in the end we both apologised and its all good.
It was so depressing. I had my fat day today with ben and jerrys, gillians and a rip roll. I played pokemon till about 3 because I knew I was going to sleep in.
Gym today was good. I'm starting to become a fanatic and really enjoy it. I might even go tomorrow even if Brinley's not. Maybe.
Me and him had our first tiny fall out. I came home from the gym and slept and he got grumpy (I think) and said he should've stayed home which made me feel crap. But then I said I'm really sorry and stuff so we're all good and we had a great boning sesh that took ages and was lovely.
I was meant to go up town today but it was such shit weather outside I slept in till about 12.
Mum's still not on proper talking terms with me. I'm not going to cave. I meant what I said.
Brinley came round and we went to the gym and I'm starting to enjoy it, woowoo!
I've lost two balls off both my wrist piercings. Meh.
So we came back and chatted for ages about pubic hair and he gave me a massage and we talked about sex and getting pressured. I realised that I had been pressured with the Ex. It left me with a weird feeling.
I've eaten between 800-900 calories today and my stomach's making funny noises. I'td be better if I ate between 600-800 but oh well. I'm getting an 18 calorie icelolly.
Brinley took me on a date to see Pirates of the Caribbean today. I spent about an hour laborously cutting out hearts of chicken and ham and cubing vegetables to put on skewers for his tea.
I wore this high waisted 50's skirt and pearls. Now that is making an effort. Brinley said I looked the gorgeousest he'd ever seen me. POTC was good I didn't understand it too much it's not as good as the last ones.
So we came home and ate tea and went upstairs and cuddled like, loads and lay on my bed and had slow, romantic sex which was lovely. I love him so much. I never knew I could love anyone as much, it's insane.
I'm on a bit of a downer right now though, I've just eating LOADS. Ughhh, want to puke but I'd freak out. And I don't want to become bulimic.
I woke up next to that tidy boy. It was lovely. We had a hugely long boning session which my sister (who decided to dye her hair white and now looks like Draco Malfoy) probably heard but oh well. We went to the gym and I got crazy endorphins which was great.
So we came back and slept for a bit on my bed and I had a very fast shower and we met Shannon and went to Brinley's gig.
They played bad because the singer wouldn't sing and this other boy kicked him out the band, in front of everyone which I thought was pretty mean. He would get grounded for a month anyway for coming out to play which is a shame. All the way through Brinley playing I checked him out. Nom.
Mum keeps going on about when he was anorexic and today I finally asked her to shut up about it. She said I've started to obsess about food since I've gone out with him. It's only been the last three days. I ate like a pig today, anyway.
My sister's back home again today. Groan. I woke up and CBA-ed doing anything but I showered and fake tanned and felt better.
I went to Jacob's and revised and Brinley came round and him and Jacob played some Xbox and we went to Tesco's to get tea. Brinley hadn't eaten anything (I don't know how's the best way to react to that) so I bought him chickens and hams from Tesco. I'm gonna dye my hair red/brown/ginger soon. Woowoo!
I think those few days of emptiness in this blog I've been properly depressed. You only realise you've been depressed because it feels like a bubble's popped and you're eyes are open to the world and you care about yourself again and realise you are you.
So today I went to Brinley's house. I saw pictures of him when he was anorexic. It was horrible, I never even saw his bare chest or anything he had clothes on in all the pictures but it was unreal. His face ended about half a centimetre each side of his lips like were like a skull. His face didn't look like his. I cried a little bit but I tried not to let him see it.
Afterwords we talked about mental stuff and I told him about when I had my sickness phobia and wanted to kill myself in Octobor a few years ago when I was sick because I was having non-stop panic attacks.
I told him everyone has something mental going on inside them to some extent.
So after that huge talk I went to sleep because of emotional drainage and we woke up and boned and I felt very close to him.
On the way home I let out all my crying from before when I saw the pictures. The worst one was him with his 15th birthday cake, a jelly with a 15th candle sticking out and his skull-face looking at it. I cried so much I used up a packet of tissues.
Me and Shannon didn't really do a lot all morning, watched Scooby Doo, Fingertips and some other kid's tv, I had a shower and fake tanned, ate cate, cleaned up. I felt sick and tired and headachey. Is that a hangover? Possibly.
Mum came home and was uber tired and Dad kept being bad so I had to throw him out even though he'd bought us tea. (Which I didn't feel was very fair that I had to do even though it was mum who wanted him out.)
I watched pokemon and did bugger all for the rest of the day and phoned Brinley for ages (who is sitll rubbing in I double booked him yesterday with Shannon when I already said I would see him) but I'll see him tomorrow so it's all good.
Haaaaha I drank vodka and squash. Its great. I havnt been doing my blog for ages. Dont worry Il do them. Thsi is greatttttttttt. So I dressed up for Brinley today. Yayayaya he liked it good bonageings. Sleepoving with Shannon and made a chocolate cake
Biology exam went a lot better than I thought it would. I wore a skirt. Big mistake. Buttdances, visible-butcheek scares and goddamn THONGS (no VPL). Ugh. Stress.
Brinley came round and it was all good. I keep getting really emotional after boning. I feel like I'm not perfect. Chubbs, ingrown hairs, the lot. It's great. I'm getting a headache from mums bug too. Great fun.
Really CBA with the exam tomorrow, modern studies. Ughughugh.
Exam stress has finally sunk in. I kept almost crying when Brinley and Jacob were over. Depressiveness FTL.
Mum took us out to lunch (I had a sandwich and Jacob had a cake. Brinley didn't have anything)
I have a major crush on a girl right now. It's great.
I hate jealousy. Theres this girl Alice who's friends with Brinley and from what he's said I thinks he fancies him (Crotchal hugs, playing the nervous game, going to 'rape' him at the camping tonight.)
She's way skinny aswell and people say she's got a good body.
I was on FIRE at maths tutor today. I felt really bad for her because she'd been doing maths all day with everyone and she had to take headache pills.
I imagined when I saw Brinley he'd want to bone so I invited Jacob over to cockblock. This worked pretty well. I'm pretty annoyed at Brinley because even being wanted all the time feels hot it makes me feel like he only wants me for sex.
I told him that on MSN and he was worried I was mad at him and I said he has to be able to tell better when I'm not in the mood so it's all good now.
I wanted to stay inside all day today but I got pressured to go outside by Brinley. We met up with some other friends and went on the pedalos in the park.
We came home and boned loads. It was great until my sister called me to say bye to my dad and I had to hug him when I was commando under my shorts and tshirt. And sweaty and dishevelled. Then Dad wanted to shake my hand...the same hand I'd been tossing Brinley off with. Oh dear.
Mum said I felt very hot and should keep hydrated.
The sex wasn't as good as it could've been because we couldn't make any noise.
We got 5 hours sleep today. I had chocolate for breakfast.
We got home and did some damn good boning until my mum came home. Brinley's a positions virgin so he's getting educated. Because we couldnt make noise he was going to come on my boobs but missed and came in my eye and up my wall instead. It was so UNCOMFORTABLE! It didn't sting as I expected it would but it made my eye go well red.
After he left I slept for about a year.
Later my friend who I'm pretty wary of (she's got a friend-with-benefits and flirts with EVERYONE including Brinley. FML.) was like 'Have yous done the dirty!?' I don't know who told her. I don't mind people knowing but I just dont trust that girl not to twist it or something if I do tell her.
Today was good, me and Jacob came round and I shoved my hair in this weird topknot coming out of my head to make volume and toothpaste on my spots and then Brinley came round suddenly.
I put makeup on and we went to cooper park for a bit and then on the way back we met up with Brinley's band and they all came round to my house and we had an amazing fajitta and doctor who sesh. Owen, the band's vocalist gave me a crotchal hug, and specifically made another guy hold his guitar so he could hug me. Hmm. We did have a Muse bonding jam with me on piano and him on guitar though. And I said he looked awesome earlier today because he had a fedora and glasses. He's not hot and I fancy the pants off Brinley (literally).
Everyone went home apart from me and Brinley and we fell asleep on my bed and then went to Jacob's for a sleepover....We boned a tiny bit in the night...not even fully in but a teaser for the time when we properly bone.
He got scared that mum or someone would walk in and got soft. I felt so sorry for him!
Today's brought us closer though. He said he was into corsets and I was like WTF I LOVE CORSETS AND ALL THAT SHIT. Our next sexy time is going to be SUPER. I need to wax. I'm like a forest out of control. I got handcuffed today. It'd be better if I was hair-free and more comfortable though.
I hate my sister so much. I think she heard some of our 'revision' today. Great fun. I dont care though. I've stopped caring what she thinks. She showed Brinley her tattoo on her side today when there was an equally good tattoo on her innocent wrist. She said my hoodie was tight fitting on him too, e.g, he was fat. Which he's not. Even though his 12 stone squashes me if he's lying on top of me but MY stomachs flabbier than his when I pinch the skin together.
Hate her so much UGH.
I might go to a party woop woop tomorrow with Brinley. Planning on boobs OOT and heels. Gotta make that boy PROTECTIVE!
I got grumpy at Brinley again at the youth cafe. He kind of neglected me again but not as much as the first time. I think I was just suffering exam stress which is making me over sensative. This girl Alice was getting in about him aswell. They did a crotchal hug. (Normally when friends hug only the upper body makes contact. If it's a romantic hug crotches and legs touch.) Alice looked round to see if I was watching too. Great fun.
I came home and we talked on msn and I told him that I felt rejected and stuff. We sorted that out and I said to him I dont want to get hurt by him because I was still hurting (in some perverse sense, I dislike the Ex so much now) from my previous relationship and he said he was feeling exactly the same.
My art composition went so much better than I thought it would. At first it was a shit blue mess of paper but it turned out pretty mental.
I miss Brinley. Like loads. I feel pretty depresso right now but I feel like yesterday's feeling of being OUT OF IT on drugs has made me feel like myself again instead of being in a dream. I don't know why that happens. It's really annoying.
Sunny's leg had to get drained of pus stuff. I hope she'll be ok. She got a baby icecream today which was so cute.
UGH MY SISTER is SO ANNOYING. She always has to make herself feel better by putting other people down. And she insists on comparing her boyfriend to Brinley. She was like 'oh how much does he weigh?' and I was like 'like 12 stone or something,' and she goes on about how her boyfriend would win in a fight etc,etc,etc. Can't wait till she goes back to uni.
I skived school and spent ALL DAY painting. Then I used Jacob's present so much I got rubbed raw and I pulled muscles in both my arms. Great fun. And I felt like I was on mushrooms or drugs because I was all spaced out and weird
We almost boned again. Crazy, crazy shit! I've found one thing I don't like about him, how he goes on about how good he is in subjects. I feel like such a retard. Especially when he said he could've taken Higher Art because he was getting straight 1s but he never.
The day was beautiful apart from that. I'm truely madly deeply in lurveee!
I was a total whale today. I ate SO MUCH. And I had this juicy green spot at the corner of my mouth.
Then Brinley unexpectedly came round. How embarrassinggggggggggggg!
I feel so bad for my grandad...he keeps forgetting what he's talking about and he said 'what the hell am I on about...' and I felt a prickle in my eye. His eyes have gone that blue colour too. Sad times
Then I met up with Brinley and his friend William and Brinley was being a bit of an ass but then I accidently made him fall over and that made it ok. We went to my house and I ate food and then William stayed for ages to cockblock Brinley. He went away giving us like 15 minutes. I told Brinley how I didn't like him being an ass and that he neglected me at the Youth Cafe and now it's so much better.
I'm in LURVEEE!
He got me a toy bunny for easter and his parents got me an egg. :)
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!
We had a crazy kissing session on my bed. It must've made a lot of noise but it was like how it would be like when we're gonna bone. I told him if he doesn't wank for a week he'll get a prize. Oh dearrrr. I shouldn't of said that because he thinks it's sex that the prize is. Ohh well. Maybe I'll be ready by then. :)
Me and Jacob revised in the sun most of the day and then went inside and mum bought us a Macdonalds. Happy happy happy! We discussed Brinley's lack of commitment on the phone aswell as yesterday at the Youth Cafe.
I realised I was scared of him just using me for sexy stuff. I'll see him tomorrow and talk about it to him though.
The Ex was completely BITCH today. He's writing a blog about me.
And he asked me what another word for 'predictable' is and I said..
'You're such a bitch, you're writing a blog about me and you're asking me what another word for predictable is?'
He replied 'Why do you think I'm writing a blog about you?'
What a retarded question. Like his last million statuses of 'I'm writing a blog and it's about YOU!!!' never made me even consider he was writing a blog about me, who he said himself was the most important person in his life?
I wanted to reply something nasty about him being a dumbass and a fucking little poof etc etc, but I just replied:
'Because I'm a narcissist?'
Guess what he said back?
Then a while later of me not replying, he sent a ':)'.
I fell asleep in Maths today and started dreaming. Fun times.
Brinley neglected me all night at the youth cafe. I'm not being oversensative because Shannon noticed it too. He only came and talked to me about 3 times unless I went over and talked to him. Unhappy about that. But I do feel guilty because his douche of a mum is being horrible to him at the moment.
My brown contacts came today and apparently they look creepy. They look natural in some darker photos though so it's ok. Happy days happy days! Exam stresssss!
I was so tired today I kept falling asleep loads, especially in French. I was having a mongled day too I felt ugly.
The evening after maths tutor was good though. Jacob came round and we cooked fajittas and attempted to do some Drama revision but we ended up just talking about all the erotic things we'd done. Brinley came round and it was good because we never done any stuff stuff. Life be good.
First day back at school. Shannon was talking to the boy-that-I-thought-was-a-mong and he said he wished Brinley wasn't going out with me so that he could. I asked her if she thought he was joking but he apparently said that in all seriousness.
I need to revise my arse off for these exams. I meant to do Biology today but ended up spending about £40 on online stuff including brown contact lenses, Basshunter CD and 3 new industrial bars for my ear. That's where all those taxpayer's money goes. £120 a month for people like me to spend on crap.
Dad's apprently gonna give me big BIG money if I get credits.
I spent all day at Brinley's house today. I liked my outfit, I ran out of clothes so I tucked my large PJ top into my high waisters and shoved my hair in a messy bun.
I saw his room for the first time. I don't like it, it's full of....stuff...that's like, old and not used which I find very strange. We went to a river and I went in but he didn't. His mum made us DINNER I was like holy shit. A jacket potato and tuna and like, salad and coleslaw and potato salad on the side it was pretty immense. I gave him another BJ aswell. I also swallowed. It was well saltier than the Ex's. The Ex only eats shit though so that's probably why. That stuff is lethal.
That's good though. I can stop Brinley's sexual advances by asking him to take a wank instead. I'm planning, possibly, just maybe to do the black shag band on our 1 month anniversary, 25th April. (It's a monday though....gotta see if mum's gonna be out or not though.)
I actually revised. For about an hour. Then I gave up.
Brinley kept mollestering me and then I teased him because he said he wouldn't mollest me so I took my top and bra off and went up to him massaging my boobs.
I wore a belt round my waist for the whole of last night and most of today and my waist went down to 24/25 inches instead of 26 and I wore my supertight muse tshirt when I went to see Scream 4 with Brinley and his friends. I think I looked hot. Both of his friends hugged my when I was saying bye too. Hoped I felt skinny/booby.
Oh god, I feel really bad about Dad. I saw him for the first time in about 2 weeks today and I won't be seeing him tomorrow because I'm going to Brinley's instead of seeing my granny and grandad AND I missed last Sunday with them too. I told Dad it was because I was revising.
I shouldn't feel too bad about that today. He's so socially retarded. He burps really loudly in public and talks about people when they're within earshot. Ugh.
Me and Brinley were very close to sex today. The only thing stopping it was my hand covering. Crazy shit. I wore my sexy red thong and felt sexy in it. He made me orgasm 2 times from fingering.
I had a dream I cheated on Brinley with the Ex. I felt disgusted at myself all day. I really don't like the Ex.
I feel really weird right now. I feel ugly. Brinley's friends apprently said 'paperbag' when he first went out with me. That makes me want to get a hot body even more to have at least one good thing about. Feel like such an emo right now. Weird feeling of wanting to be emo and cut. WTF? I don't even do that.
I don't usually care what people say about me. I mean, someone said I looked like a rat on formspring and I wasn't even bothered.
I don't know why that got to me so much. Probably because I thought I liked Brinley's friends. He said they took it back when they saw me and said I was hot and had good boobs.
Maybe I'm just having a mood swing.
I still havn't done any revision. It's Brinley's fault because if I hadn't gone out with him then I'd've been revising all holiday.
I felt like such a mong today. I felt a little bit angry at Brinley for yesterday when he kept trying to make me do stuff when I was so obviously not in the mood. But we met up with him and some other friends later and first I was a little bit cold with him to see if he'd still hug and kiss me and be nice even if we wernt just in private which he did.
And he smelt good.
What made my day even better was apparently this guy checked me out and Brinley's friends told Brinley and then he went protective of me. And one of his bandmates William likes me which is good.
Today I was at the beach all day with me, Brinley, Ben and his girlfriend.
Chuft at the photos, some of them I look relatively skinny in my Pineapple Dance Studios crop-top (regretted that 800 calorie cheesecake pigout at the sleepover and multiple sweeties though.) We got home and I was crazy-crazy-crazy tired and Brinley kept feeling me up and didn't seem to get that I was hurna tired.
He also said I was boring because I wasn't doing anything which was a little bit worrying.
Don't want to get USED.
Brinley met my bezzer Jacob and they got on good which was super. Tomorrow we might be going to the beach AGAIN! woowoowoo!
I'm not ready for sex with Brinley. Technically I'd be a paedophile which is a bit strange, and even stranger I feel like I'm taking away his virginity? The first (and only) time he ever boned he got caught so, to me, it feels like that doesn't count and he's still a virgin.
I need to enrich this blog with more stuff that happens, but normally I write it just when I'm about to go to bed.
So approximately half a year of no action I give a BJ and get poked 2 times all in one day.
I'm in love.(I said I love you for the first time too today) Brinley is SO much more masculine and overally more HOT than the Ex ever was. And he's got a bigger shlong. And he said I was good at BJs. (his last girlfriend's braces got caught on him apparently. That doesn't really say if I am good at BJs or not but oh well.)
I look like a victim of domestic abuse because I have 5 raging hickeys on my boobs.
I went to the gym this morning with Brinley and failed so much at doing planks. We saw the Polish boy who spanked me about a year ago and said my boobs and hair were fake.
Me and Brinley came back to my house and did some more steamyness, although I felt like a mong because I hadn't dehaired my snailtrail on my belly and had 2 huge spots on my face and my underarms were hairy and I kept worrying about my saggy-ass boobs.
Tomorrow will be better. We're gonna be home alone all day.
Today started off so shit but it ended good. I woke up and everything was a mess and I didn't have anything to wear and I had ingrown hairs everywhere.
Brinley came round and it was so steamy it was unreal. I think I'm in love. I got 5 completely nasty hickeys on my neck and I finally let him onto the next level of fondling. We bonded over Mighty Boosh (the moon in particular) and had discussions about going to phsychiatrists (he used to be anorexic. I was SO chuft that he eat half a can of tuna with me.)
I hope I see him tomorrowwwww (and I need to start revising! ARGH!)
I wanted to sleep all day today but Brinley was in my town again with some of his friends so I went and seen him. Right before he had to leave I told him it sucks to be you because I was home alone all day and I had 2 shag bands to live up to.
Shannon was complaining to me today that she can't talk to hot boys because she fancies this boy Dan who's in Brinley's band (he has a huge mole on his face though) I said pretend they looked like Sam (remember him?) and she said 'I dont want to imagine Dan with a freckly penis. I said she wouldn't, she'd imagine him with a moley penis instead. I pished myself for about 10 minutes AND on the way to Jacobs an hour later walking on my own. Oh dear.
Brinley saw my naked boobs. He said I was a pornstar. It was a bit of a beamer, we were just standing facing my window (he was behind me) and from outside there's a monument people can see into my bedroom from. Oops.
There was a lot of steamy fondling going on that day. Against a wall. I asked him to pick me up and he did. Against a wall. And we did some uber kissing. Against that wall.
I learned today that Brinley had sex on a exercise ball with someone. Oh dear.
Me and Shannon went to Macdonalds and got peeped at 9 times and a guy made a kissing face at us. Guys whistled at us and we whistled back and they started following us and also we thought a car stopped to get us and we shat ourselves but it was just turning.
Today was super. We went to the Youth Cafe and Brinley was there. We kissed like LOADS and we went outside and I said I had a stiff nip and he felt my boob and said yes you do and got a boner. I think he's got a big shlong.
Oh god. I totally said something I shouldn'tve. We were arguing over which shag band I should snap (there was options of Blue- BJ and Black-sex) and STUPIDLY I said 'I'm happy with anything'.
I'm not realy for shegs with him. After 1 week? No way. Maybe a BJ at most. See what happens on Saturday when I go round to his house....dundundun!
Today was great apart from the end. Me and Shannon went to see a talent show Brinley was playing. That was fine and dandy but Mum was in one of her crazymoods and was like LET'S GO TO BURGERKING!!! and then when Brinley's dad came she went over and was like HI I'M JENS MUM!!!!
Ugh. I don't know why that annoyed me so much but sometimes I really resent her. She has no willpower to stop eating shit and it's really really pissing me off. I should stop thinking about her otherwise I'm gonna get more stressed.
Stress Factors Right Now:
2. Room smells of feet
3. My rat keeps being bad but she needs cleaned out
4. My eyeliner gave up on me and went all flakey
5. I forgot to suck my stomach in most of the night and I was in a tight top FML.
Today was complete pants. I felt headachey and so tired all through today. The only good part was seeing Brinley for 5 minutes after his rugby. He was so tidy it was unbelievable and he got another semi.
He asked me on MSN later, do I love him? I replied 'I've been thinking about that last night and even though I havn't known you for long I think I do.'
Brinley came to mine and we spent the next few hours pulling on my bed. I kept rejecting his hands going on my ass though I don't want to seem easy, and also my ass is not smooth. My legs are though so it's all good. He did slight overclothes fingering that I wasnt too pleased about. Not on day 4.
I always feel vulnerable lying on a bed, and a lot of things slip past me and I don't notice. Standy-up kissing is way better than bed-kissing.
He said I'd probably last because he acts like how he did with his longest-lasting girlfriend (of 9 months). This gave me uber-mixed emotions. Jealous and hope at the same time, and I'm not a jealous person. I think I'm a perfectionist- everything I do has to be the best it possibly can. I have to be skinnier, funnier and prettier than that girlfriend goddamn it!
I think he is equipped with a large shlong. It looked (and felt) so noticable
Although the consequences of not eating a lot are starting to kick in. I keep not being motivated to work in school and I feel completely knackered when I get home. I weigh just under 9 stone though, and I think I'll freak if I get higher than that. I want to be 8 stone so I feel light for Brinley when he lifts me. That sounds totally anorexic but there you go.
Most of today was depressing, I felt really tired and I missed Brinley loads. I did some revision and went to sleep. I talked to the Ex and he was way depresso (sorry for spending a whole year dissapointing you etc.) so I was comforting him and said don't you dare wallow in self pity because at some points we did have a good relationship and stuff. I told him how I initally fancied him as he put himself across as confident and interesting over the internet and he said oh cheers.
Ugh I'm annoyed at mum- she wont let me go out and meet Brinley when he's arriving back from Ornkey at 10pm (which is pretty late but still).
Brinley came round to my house this morning and we pulled on my bed loads and he lifted me up! It was so sexy it was unreal! and he like weight-lifted me like I was a weight! Nomnomnom....Finally I weigh less than 9 stone so it's all good. He had his hands on my ass and he had a boner. Ahh. I miss him so much right now, he's gone to Orkney for rugby. I'm seeing him on Monday...I can't wait so much!
Today was insane. After school I had Bollywood dancing and was going to meet up with Brinley at the gym. I seen him and went over and it was pretty awkward but ok. Afterwords we went to my house so I could change my trackies to jeans and went to Asda and did a lot of hugging. We went to the bus station and saw some people there and then they asked Brinley if he said yes to asking me out and he said yes!
We kissed at the bus station and he had a semi. HAHAHA! And he said because of that thats why he kept pulling away from hugging me in Asda.
So I went to the youth cafe. And he wasnt there. FML. And this other boy freddi perved on me like LOADS which was very freaky what a creep. Ahh I'd bang Brinley I'm hopefully FINALLY going to see him tomorrow at the leisure centre.
I got a 1 in drama CHUFT even though our performance screwed up loads
I cried in biology today it was SO EMBARRASING. Everything had sort of built up and it all came out. The crying wouldnt stop for ages which was SO ANNOYING!
SEEING BRINLEY TOMORROW! Booyah! Haha I love Jacob...
Jacob: why were you asking me those questions earlier? Me: I was tring to get into brinleyys pants with gaming knowlage Jacob: So hes into gaming? Me: he likes resident evil and halo Jacob: damn oh i may get into his pants aswell
My friend (and friend of Brinley's) kept being bitchy and saying I was hypocritical for saying he was gay (which I thought I hadn't said) and I said to her friend (big mistake) that she was twisting things. Of course her friend told her. But it was that time I probably had said he was gay because I didnt even know him then and I was having a shite day. I said sorry like loads. I hope to god she hasn't told Brinely any of this.
He's on MSN but not replying to my messages and he's on facebook chat but still hasn't replied to my inbox....ahh :'(
I got so angry today. One of my teachers keeps making fun of this retarded boy. It pisses me off so much
AND the girl that I hate was like 'put the bag in the bin!' when this guy Peter was playing about with it.
Punch in the face.
I have discovered a sexy thing called fullstops. I use them all the time now in facebook. They make life so much more dramatic.
I hate Sam. He's too witty for me. On facebook I deleted one of his comments because I couldnt be assed coming up with a cleverer, funnier answer than him. Maybe it's from years of being bullied for being ugly he's developed this unusual skill.
Its completely mental outside. I slept for ages untill 11 o clock which was dandy. Me and Mum walked Sunny outside in the gale and then went to Tesco and bought loads of food (and two hoodies for me! Woot woot!)
I had a very productive day of tidying my room AND cleaning my rat out. I feel really happy apart from my minging running nose because of the cold I cought from going to the showies yesterday.
I watched Crufts and the Ex kept going on about he wanted a husky and a collie. This really pisses me off because he has this stupid idea in his mind about dogs that they're going to be perfect 'loyal companions' as soon as you get them. I told him it's not all to do with what the dog looks like. He replied-
'Is that how you convinced yourself to get sunny? XD'
Fuck him. That REALLY pissed me off. It's like adopting a disabled kid and telling someone how it's not just appearance and what's on the outside and then them saying 'is that how you convinced yourself...'
Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe it's just because this is the time I'd usually have my period if I wasn't on the pill.
I didn't text him back. I didn't even say hi on MSN and gave him one-word answers.
Tonight was lovely. The weather was completely mental, it was freezing wind with sideways rain. We went to the showies though which was super!
There wasn't a lot of people there so the guy operating the Miami did a magic trick for us and made the Miami stop for ages at the top and then go crazy-fast. I borrowed mum's camera and that took some good(ish) photos of us which was good.
I told the Ex he looked sexy in this red shirt he was wearing. Ahh, I'd bone that boy.
When we dropped Shannon off at home mum rajjed at me for how 'casual' I am when I'm around friends. She said sorry for it later though which was lovely.
I dreamed it was Sunday this morning and slept in. I was way annoyed at this because we'd be doing softball outside in PE today.
I was happy all day today which was good. I always can't remember what happens when I'm writing my blog which is annoying. During Bollywood dancing tonight I started missing the Ex's body and me scratching his back during sexy times.
Me and him finally had the talk I've been wanting to do for ages, about if maybe us could get back together.
I think it would be possible for a few reasons and he said (well he didn't say but he didnt disagree) that it could work, but none of us had the money and he didn't have the time.
I got called pathetic, bone idle and lazy all in one day today by my teachers. Happy days!
Today was good though, I got lots of sleep so it was just dandy. After school Jacob gave me a demonstration of his fleshlight (It kind of actually feels like a vagina on the inside) and it made me realise how much I miss sexy times with the Ex. Ahh!
Today was torture. I was so tired after taking erotic photos of myself all last night that I could barely stay awake all of today. I also had maths tutor after school which was very painful, and then I had to walk home without a coat into a freezing wind that turned my hands blue.
The evening was good though, mum came and sat on my bed and talked to me for a bit whilst I did my art essay so that's good
I ate like a FAT SHITHOLE today. I drank a litre of strawberry milkshake (I told Mum I poured it away), 2x dairylea dunkers, a chocolate praline egg, a twirl, noodles and a cereal bar.
I feel fat.
I painted my nails neon with purple lightningbolts and blue dots which is pretty epic. I wish I could do it to my right hand though.
I WANT TO GO OUT WITH THE EX. I keep imagining hugging him and kissing him and everything! Argh!
That girl Lauren who thinks she has big boobs pissed me off again today. She was taking a raj at this other girl Shannon for 'throwing her life away' and 'shagging everyone' (Shannon has a boyfriend and has had for quite a few months) then she went on to say that 'no boy wants to go out with me because I'm so tight, all boys only have one thing on their mind'. Hey Lauren, I don't know what sort of relationships you've had. Oh wait. You havn't had any.
This really pissed me off, it was like saying anyone who'd had a boyfriend or had had sex was throwing their life away and was a complete sadass. Urgh.
The gorgeous Latvian went on my lap on the tugada. I jizzed a bit. I also did a tiny pee on the miami when it whooshed down (I'm such a pussy I couldnt breath on it at the start cos my throat tightened up so I had to do breathing techniques to enjyo it)
I fell off the tugada as well and my knees are bust and then the Latvian's friend crushed my elbow on it which'll bruise loads.
Shannon's friend Hayley was a pain, we were waiting for my mum and she was complaining that she wanted to go back to see this boy she fancies. I pointed out to her that if she went then I'd be left on my own outside with a huge group of polish men I don't know but she didn't see it that way.
Oh god. Sam was there. He has such a...unique....facial structure. I couldn't make proper eyecontact because I didn't want to stare.
I didn't go to school today. I was knackered after last night of late-night-art-essaying and meeting mum at the trainstation at half 11pm.
I did have a productive day though: I cleaned out my menagerie, walked sunny and picked up Jacob's fleshlight parcel from the post office. Me and mum found a dead cat in a binbag on a walk though. Not so good.
1. I got told by my vauge friend she'd never heard people bitching about me. This is a complete surprise because the general rule is- the more you bitch the more you get bitched about.
2. Someone told me that in a discussion, this person who I thought regarded me as a mong said I was the most bangable in the whole English class because I have a 'good body'. (I'd eaten a crisp roll and a chocolate sundae and an easteregg for lunch so this made me feel very good)
I like the Ex again. I went on webcam to him for the first time in months. I didn't have a lot of makeup on but I looked OK. To add to his freaky poster collection he's got a picture of jumping dolphins and another one of puppies. I commented on this, but he wasn't too perplexed by my judging. Are puppies and dolphins normal for a testosterone-filled, sperm-filled, coming-on-19 year old guy?
When I was on webcam to him I did some stretching to show off my boobies in my tight top, careful not to lift my arms to reveal the 2-days-unwashed sweaty fuzz my underarms were harbouring. Why was I showing my boobies to this guy who has posters of puppies adorning his wall? I have no idea.
I'm a lot more masculine than him and I'm a completely different gender. It just doesn't make sense.
Ugh. Can't be ersed with the Ex. Sometimes I just forget what a freaky shit he is. Ugh. He has a poster of two retriever puppies and lovehearts on his wall. Jacob has game posters, Cale has ninja drawings, Scott has naked women...it's just not normal.
Mum's away in England for her Masters couse so I watched Shawshank Redemption and ate a lot of shit. Making shortbreads at the moment and listening to Stepping Stone by Duffy which is a banging tune for what I feel at the moment. Ugh.
That girl who I've mentioned before, the one who thinks she has huge tits was going on about them today. She said they were more than a handful. A B cup? Dude. You need 2 hands to hold one of mine, and its still not completely covered.
Today I was taking a dump and examining the Joop! advert. It's got a man with a yellow unzipped playsuit splashing into water. The yellow and blue contrasted good and it was certainly eyecatching (as all Joop adverts are) but I wasn't going to have that creep looking at me wiping my erse.
I told the Ex I was going to get naked and wet. (I was showering). He said he didn't care. Fingers crossed that my text gave him a raging boner. And a spot of precum.
Ughh today was the showies. My calves, thighs, butt, back, ribs, and abdominal muscles ache SO MUCH and I've got a headache.
The showies were OK. It would be better if I went with more fun people (Hayley was well boring and didn't even talk to me and Shannon felt sick and didn't go on any rides [apart of Move It which is mental, like a giant waltzer that bounces up and down I fell over trying to get off it twice because I was so dizzy]
I ate food, watched Casualty, texted the Ex, talked to mum and went to bed. I texted him 'Ahh I love my bed!' and he mysteriously replied 'mhmm me too.'
I got Sam's number today and sent him anonymus texts
Sam: So who are you?
Me: You're greatest fantasy in the shower
Sam: The honey monster O_O?
Me: So...you like them hairy?
I asked him if i could give into his nice tight butthole. I got a wrong-text from this guy saying 'Hey David you going bowling tonight?' and I said wrong text and they said 'whos this?' and I VERY STUPIDLY said Jen. Sam had borrowed someone elses phone. I'd been outsmarted by a freak.
I saw him in the corridor straight after too.
I want to go back out with the Ex. I want him. I'd love him and be such a good girlfriend bringing him food and not complaining about the mindless, monotonous, nondescript sex.
The Ex: I just wanted to apologise for ignoring you for these last few months, I'm sorry
Holy crap. I can't stress how holy that crap is. It's like the same amount of holiness as the father of God who's gamete half made God himself.
I don't know what to do. Should I put him through all the pain I've suffered? One word answers and cold replies? Or should I talk, be sexy and potentially....go out with him again? He admitted that he didn't talk to me because he was afraid of falling in love with me again.
I did my French speaking test and only at the end realised I'd been staring at my French teacher's crotch for most of it. FML.
Beautiful-Eyes from Plenty of Fish added me on MSN...He doesn't know I'm 16. He's 22. I don't know what to say! Do adult people have different conversation styles to normal people? Argh!
I admitted my youth when he asked what age I was. I accidently slipped into writing all Shakespearian 'I hope you don't mind my tender youth'. Then I started typing like an illiterate. 'I never wouldv guesded you was 22 from your photays'.
I started talking about peeing loads.
Whats wrong with me...I havn't had a flirtatious conversation in about 3 years. I'm out of touch. Unskilled. Rusty. Tarnished. I did masterbate for the first time in quite a while though. And rubbed glittery moisturiser on my boobs....that's a start.
I might be going to Paris in the holidays! The trip includes all the siteseeing stuff, DISNEY!! And a 3* hotel with inclusive swimming pool. This put an imagine of me in a bikini all tanned and skinny from Canada.
Today was pretty OK my sister's gone home (phew) and I'm really tired. For some reason my electric bed's been on all day and I'm pretty sure I turned it off which is a bit creepy.
Can't wait till Saturday...THE SHOWIES! Mon the pop music, drugs, drink and chavs!
I felt ill this morning so I slept in till breaktime. On the way to school this woman asked me what the time was which took me completely by surprise as I was probably scowling at the ground and looking anti-approchable.
I felt guilty about the waterbottle incident with Sam so I told him it wasn't me. He only wrote like one response so I think he dislikes me.
I had this minging headache all day but I ate:
88calorie cereal bar
88calorie cereal bar
I just ate about 1000calories worth of chocolate mousse. And an extra 400 of apple crumble. This girl Amber said I had a perfect figure when I did the inbox-a-number-and-I'll-say-what-I-like so that's OK.
I hate having my sister home. She's skinny and pretty and compliments me all the time about how I have a better figure etc etc etc when she obviously is way prettier and nicer than me. It just pisses me off. And she's really really really two-faced. One time she's all nice and sugar sweet and the next shes a complete bitch and making you feel like a shit. She turns Mum against me too which is extremely annoying.
I painted my nails the gorgeous pastelish-denim blue colour and straightened my hair so I feel sexy with my glasses tomorrow.
Ugh I've got a whole French essay to memorise for tomorrow...FML.
I talked to The Ex on MSN.
Me: I wish you liked talking to me
The Ex: How come? Me: Cos I like talking to you :LThe Ex: But you've been fine for the last few weeks? (that pissed me off.) Me: I don't *have* to talk to you I just like to :L
The Ex: Well what would you have us talk about? (frikkin Victorian-age old bugger.)
So we talked about him not getting into the RAF and a bunch of stuff I already knew from relentless Facebook stalking. I told him what I'd been up to: getting an industrial piercing (I didn't elaborate on the piercing part, trying to coax him into asking me about myself.), The Sleepover, losing weight, gaining weight.
Majorly pissed off. Loads of people underage got tickets to Mumford and Sons. And got on TV.
I am rich right now. My EMA money has finally come in! £120! So now I've got about £210 saved up for Canada, spent £20 of it on nailvarnish and eyeliner and glasses with about £15 left over in my normal account.
I feel really sad right now and cry-y. I miss the Ex like crazy...
So I put on facebook 'Is experiencing some very late heartbreak even though its like 4 months later' and *BLING* the Ex signed in on MSN. But hasn't talked. Please talk...I think I love you
It was sunny today which made me crazy happy. Today's been the first day in about a month when I havn't slept during the day which is completely insane.
Mumford+Sons ticket-plan looks good, me and some other people might do camping!
So I put this thing on facebook and the 3rd person who liked it got to ask me a question that I had to answer honestly. Guess who liked it.
Me: Youve got a question to ask meee
Sam: Nahh dm Me: Noooo ask pleaseee? Me: Sammmm :)
Sam: What was the reason you never wanted to meet me properly Me: COS YOURE UGLY, BITCH!! (I said that in my head.) Me: Cos I didnt want a relationship :)
Sam: I only wanted to be friends
Sam: I told you that Me: Okkiesss (and I put the kissing face :*...I really have to stop messing with this boy)
Sam: Well it's a bit late now Me: ??
Today was shite. Jess was a bitch in art. It rained. Everyone was grumpy. I got pooed on. I want to go back out with The Ex.
I bought stickers from Tesco and made little cards for everyone.
Paige turned out to be allergic to dogs which made me feel really bad.
I ate good today though but I watched The Elephant: Life After Death which was absolutely disgusting because a hyena started munching on its butthole and a bubble came out and made me feel sick so I stopped watching.
I wore shorts today. In first period I sat down and the Girl-That-I-Hate checked out the size of my thighs so obviously it was unbelievable. She actually turned her head down and looked at them. I was happy with my outfit though. Shorts, rocketdog pumps and highlights of red on my nails and my cami.
My French teacher keeps having sex with his desk. He sort of thrusts himself onto it and presses his winkie against the corner.
I'm starting to be uber-healthy tomorrow and even made 3 posters: Drink Water, Eat 2+ things of fruit 'n' veg and aim to weigh 9 stone or less.
I told my dad I was hungry today and he got all stressed because he didn't know what to do or say to me. Haha aww poor dad!
Robyn subtly persuaded the Ex to consider going back out with me....hmm I hope it works..
I slept in till 2pm cuddling Sunny and dreaming that I had a fossil amonite in my ear that had flesh grown around it so I had to go to the doctors to get antibiotics to get it out.
Eilidh came round to do some art homework but we only did a paragraph. We went to Tesco on the way to Eilidh's curling and I bought a red heart cushion (I'm trying to make my room girlier) and two £1 packs of Thornton's chocolate selections which were all minging.
I started feeling great later, I did my Anorexia essay and painted my nails with two whole coats and even straightened my hair. This weekend's been a great confidence boost.
I texted Jacob 'Guess what I used ;)' as I had used my vibrator for the first time properly this morning. I instantly regretted telling him because he started asking endless questions about it and probably wanking. I'm going to buy his fleshlight soon so that'll make him happy.
I had cheesecake for breakfast today which was yumtastic.
I watched the first Pokemon film on video today. Retrooo! I also made a dressing up box for all my wings and old scene and goth clothes. It's Jacob's birthday today so he'll have his fleshlight by the end of this week.
So today's not really been to interesting. Gotta do some major tidying in my room and writing two essays.
"So a Jewish man comes into asda and slaps his circumsized cock on the till and shouts 'roll that back bitch!"-Hahahahaha facebook like of the day!
Today was The Sleepover.
We cooked millions of fajittas and everyone contributed (even Shannon!). Then we played Truth Or Dare where we put the truths and dares into a hat...I accidently put loads of lesbo ones in so I got taken the piss out of many times. (I am bi though so ya'know.) One of the dares was to show a nipple on webcam but no one did it.
We did makeovers in two styles-slutty schoolgirl and scene
We went to pjs and did some bitching and watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Next morning I told Shannon that mum could give us a lift and she was said 'thats nice'. I said 'oh well if you're gonna be ungreatful then nevermind' and didn't let her have cheesecake for breakfast.
I was meant to get up at 9 today. We all went to tesco and bought £15 worth of munchies (DISCLUDING the price two huge packets of chicken and 16 tortillas!) for tomorrows BIG SLEEPOVER. Then we were paying and I tried giving the wifey my clubcard she said in this sort of voice that dripped 'I hate teenagers. I think you're fucking scum that you had to be eighteen to have a clubcard. I had read the brochure about clubcards which said you had to be 16. Anyway, shouldn't Tesco be promoting younger generations to be loyal to them?
Some people just take their jobs too seriously.
And some people are so prejudiced about teenagers.
Well anyways we went to the skating disco. I especially wore full makeup and a tight little cami that emphasized my boobies. Unfortunately all the people there were about 13 and under. There was this mascot moose guy and Jess' boyfriend annoyed him and he gave him the middle finger.
My friend Hayley gave me and Eilidh her camera to look after so we took loads of pictures of my boobs and me squatting on a toilet with it which was super.
I got home and uploaded all my photos which took a million years thanks to facebooks gay new photo-viewer thing, and then me and Mum went to Bollywood dancing.
Ahh, I'm knackered now. I feel great though, skinny and confident. Just dandy! And I have to decoraaaaate tomorrow...can't wait so much! Ahh!
Today started out great. I got up at 10:35, got ready and went to tesco to be a Sexy Shopper in tight tshirt and shorties.. I was buying two sets of ingrediants-one for a chocolate cake and one for a cheesecake. It was damn stressful. Especially when I couldn't find buttermilk (I didn't even know what it was...was it solid? Like a sweetie? Or like...milk?) I had little sweat patches afterwords.
I cooked and baked and prepared and cleaned for about 4 hours. I had to use my two saucepans 5 times (cleaning them thoroughly each time).
The cake turned out gorgeous. I got it from the BBC Goodfood website. Jacob said it was lovely too. We went to a restraunt (I had these chickeny skewers) Jacob said I wasn't a person because I didn't eat the two dips or the burnt bits.
I'm really annoyed at mum right now. She whined at me to give her cake. She can't control her eating, and to make matters worse I have to seem like I'm a good influence on her because she goes on about how 'strong' and 'inspirational' I am so I can't have a fat day. I wish she could just have enough willpower.
I had this weird-ass dream that the gorgeous Latvian Boy threw this clod of grass at me and it made my scaffold fall off (in real life you have to unscrew the little ball and slide it out). I had French next and begged my French teacher to let me go and find it. He sort of lay his head on top of my head and said no.
We've got this tall maths teacher. When I say tall I mean gigantic. I come up to about his bicep (I'm 5'5) and he has to bend to get in the doorway, and even then he stoops when he stands. If he stood up next to a door he'd be about a head taller than the top of the frame.
I think I should rephrase my essay question to 'Does writing an essay about anorexia influence the writer to become anorexic?' I've started getting real worried about my weight. I weighed myself today and I'm about 1 segment on the scale over 9 stone. Ideally I'd like to be 8 stone but I've sort of pleateaud. The only way I can break this is by eating 400-800 calories a day and going to the gym three times a week, but this leads to tiredness and dismotivation from schoolwork. It's pants because it can only go one way or another: Education or Skinniness. Holidays are an ideal time to get slim.
Tomorrow I'm going to bake a chocolate cake for Jacob and also a cheesecake for Saturday. Oh god, I'm going to have to try REALLY hard not to munch them...
We get to choose what topic our english essay's going to be on. I chose anorexia, and did some research. Some of the stuff I found online, the 'tips' to help people become anorexic are actually disturbing. Most of them talk about how 'Don't look in the fridge. Are you going to listen to Ana? She's always watching you...'
Crazy, crazy stuff.
Whenever I sleep during the day I forget what's happened earlier that day. SO annoying! 'specially for writing this blawwg.
I hope the sleepover goes as planned. My whole group of friends have sort of turned against Shannon. Including me now, today I said I thought foundation lips were minging (she agrees with me when it's just me and her) but because her wee pal was there she was like 'Well I think scaffolding in your ear is absolutely disgusting'. She said she thought it was cool before. I hate how people can change if their other little friendies are around them. Ugh.
My little hammy Sputnik died. I think he must have died on Saturday. I feel so guilty for not checking him that day but when I went to feed him there was The Smell so I knew what had happened. (I had been anticipating it though, he was over 4 years old)
Today I burried him in his little blue house with his food bowl with 2 peanuts in. I planted sunflowers in my room so I can transfer them when they're big enough beside his grave.
So today's been pretty pants. I didn't go to school. There was a letter about me not wearing school uniform which might mean I won't get my EMAs. And it was raining.
I miss the Ex so much. I texted him about Sputnik's death and he phoned me to listen to my crying and snottering all my bogies into a tissue. I want to hug him and go out with him again.
I gave myself a Brazilian today. I'm too chicken to do it with proper waxing so I do it with some Nair sensitive skin hair removal cream (this leaves little prickles though which isn't ideal. Better than a wild forest however.). I got rid of my arm hairs too so I'm all smooth. I forgot to take my bra off before I put the cream on so I had to do a game of don't-touch-the-wire with my bra.
I hope Vanilla Ice stays in Dancing on Ice. He's the only reason I really watch it, apart from the crazy-insane outfits, and maybe also Jennifer who's in Hollyoaks.
I ate like a shit again. Need to sort that out.
I fell asleep with a facemask on so now I've got an insanely smooth face. I hope it's sunny tomorrow so I can wear my shorts.
I wore my extensions today! They're a complete bugger to put in though but they make you feel so feminine and pretty. I saw Sam on the escalator in Tesco! I said hey. He said hi and looked at the ground. Thank god I was looking good today instead of him catching me off guard alone with no makeup.. (he's started talking to me again on MSN and then asked if I wanted to see that freaky alien film called Paul on valentines day. Uhh, Sam, just because I said hi doesn't mean I want to eh, go out with you?) I ate like a fat shit today. Gotta cut down Fat Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays to just Fat Friday.
I saw the Kings Speech today, it's really good!
My top lips split completely and nothing seems to be healing it. I bought 70p plasters with 'Butterfly and Friends' on them to put on my minging infected green bugbite on my arm.
I got a scaffolding in my ear today! Hurt like a shit though. The piercing was OK but it ached so much afterwords Also my Chinese hair arrived! I had to dye my hair pure black (missing out a vital spot at the back which has kept brown unfortunately) to match the colour of the extensions. When they're in they go past the bottom of my boobs, that's how long they are! Mum says they don't look fake but I'll need a second opinion tomorrow. Oh god it'll probably goddamn rain tomorrow so the humidity will make my real hair go wavy with the Chinese hair staying completely straight. Fingers crossed for good weather!
I got my English essay read out in front of the class today. The evil hag said it was the best one which I am major chufteres about, even though the process of her reading it was like a prolonged torture session. Ha! At one point my English teacher asked what was wrong about one of my sentences The Girl-That-I-Hate said that there shouldn't be an apostrophe in the word 'let's', but instead it was the somewhat vague badly used comma instead of a full stop elsewhere in the sentence, hehe!
I made a soap opera about a family of origami frogs. It was very complex, including racial discrimination and rape. It was pretty intense.
I experimented with sellotape after my shower whilst waiting for my bra to dry. I sellotaped my boobs up into perky pornstarness. It looked good under a tshirt, but if that tshirt was removed the viewer would be completely dissapointed in your DIY wonders.
I have to print my english essay tomorrow to show the whole class...oh god! How completely crazy-embarrasing!
After trying and testing many spot reducing gels and creams the grand prize still goes to toothpaste. I squeezed it out in its jolly stripiness and applied it to the volcano on my chin. (Oh dear, yesterday I was complaining at length to Jacob about aforementioned spot and the gorgeous Latvian boy was right behind me. I noticed him looking down a lot and wondered if he was checking out my butt or just trying not to trip on the stairs.)
I also discovered that if you position a mirror with another mirror so you can see yourself, and hold in your thighs from the front you can see what you'd look like if you were size 6. Quality!
I can't do too much bloggage today because it's past my bed time. I got the rest of my marks in- three whole ones! And five two's which is pretty good too.
Eaten 580 something calories. Goodgood. Mum says I might get into starvation mode and put on weight. I don't know if this is true or not so I'ma google it. I'm so glad I got top top in Drama, it was crazy hard. But yeah, not much to say today. Hair extenders are coming tomorrow I hope. I tried on my basque, skinny jeans and fat belt for my sexy red devil outfit and it looked ok. I hope my backflab will be gone by 12th Febuary, Day 45/367!
This calorie counting exercise things going well! I feel so happy and energised. I've been getting sleep and drinking water so it's all good. Today's TV night though-My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and Secret Diary. Woowoo!
"I don't feel close to you in any way anymore". The Ex. Alright then. Go and frikkin' live your boring-ass life of working in Tesco, wearing chinos, thinking your this amazing philosophist and playing Xbox all day. Can't be arsed with you anymore.
I weighed my rat today because she's been pooing like insanity. She weighs 256g, female rats weigh between 200-500g so she's on the slim side, meaning I haven't been feeding her too much. I'm gonna try and litter train her to make her poos all in one corner of her cage which involves manually picking up about 20 or so of her little rat turds and putting them in a corner.
I'm MAJOR chufters with my prelim results. In English today the girl that I hate was all smug about getting a 1 in reading (I got a 2). But then she got a 3 in writing and I got a 1. That shut her up a bit.
To make things even better I'm getting a shitload of money from EMAs (£60 pound a fortnight if I do all my homework/am not late) and Dad's giving me money for any credits I get. Wootwoot! Planning to get a scaffold in my left ear with them.
Ate 711 calories today, danced crazily about for about 10 minutes and did badminton for an hour. Plan to get sexy body is underway. (Am also VERY PROUD of myself, I ate four pieces of fruit 'n' veg!)
So far I've only got one credit, in one of the easiest subjects..can't wait for English results tomorrow.
Talked to the Muse Guy on plenty of fish again. He's seen them three times, I've only seen them once. I also took a look at this profile pictures. He looks very plain with a weird mouth (and about 30.)
I really can't wait till the sleepover at my pad for singles night! It's gonna be completely wild. I might wear my basque and some stockings to complete the sexy red angel outfit. Hehe...
My nipples just wont accept we're not going out with the anyone anymore. They keep getting stimulated if I brush them against anything. It's really annoying.
The Ex has stopped talking to me. I don't know why.
I went over to this girl Lauren today. She was mid-conversation to this boy about how she should be a glamour model because her "boobs are so big". She's a 32B. I did a sort of awkward laugh. We asked her if she wanted to go to poledancing classes with us but no-she could already poledance.
I'm listening to Dermot O'Leary Presents: The Saturday Sessions. It's got Biffy Clyro singing Fight For This Love. It's absolutely insane. Their accent is so noticable! That's why I dont think Matt Cardle can pull off Many Of Horror. (Oh wait sorry, "When we Collide"...) because of the accent. Matt Cardle just lacks the rugged Scottishness Biffy have.
However Fyfe Dangerfield (think the old M&S advert 'she's always, a woman to me') singing Girls Aloud- Call the Shots. That's one intense tune. There's also Athlete singing La Roux. Highly recommend that album.
Hey! A guy on Plenty of Fish is teaching himself piano. And likes Muse! Gotta see what happens there...
So now I'm bored of plentyoffish.com. After 96 emails of notifications (blocked now) I cant be bothered with messages of "hey" "hey youre pretty" "hey what you up to tonight" "hey" "hi" "hello" "hi". Maybe I'll check it again in a month.
Today I saw Black Swan. Oh god it was so intense. I really want to see it again, I only got the plot right at the end. Ugh it's gonna give me nightmares! At one point her legs break backwards and her toes fuse together...argh!
I also found Sam's name graffitied onto a fence. Shannon took a picture of me pretending to kiss it...hehe I'm such a mean girl...
We also went into Poundland today and I dithered for 10 minutes whether or not to buy nipple tassles. In the end I bought red angel wings and a halo. Shannons being a white angel and Eilidh's being our pimp devil. Singles night is going to be SOOOO GOOD. Eilidh was completely appauled when I showed her my lingeree drawer (containing a basque, stockings, suspenders and fishnets.) Maybe we wont be donning her in sexy gear just yet. Shannon's completely fine with it, I even told her about my vibrator (I'm still yet to try it out...)
So I joined plentyoffish.com. I got completely swamped.
So far I've been invited to camping with someone, meeting somebody else, sex on the beach, sex for £500 (in a "top hotel of my choice"), sex in the sea and just plain sex. However there have been a few sweethearts:
"But you are just totally stunning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just wanted to say hello as I know your
way out of my league and I would not dare
try to chat you up! You must be so
inundated on here and so you should be
Miss stunning! But I hope you say hello or
maybe a bugger off! Sorry for being OTT
but you are just the most perfectly beautiful
lady I have seen on here. I wonder if you
would allow me the pleasure of speaking
to someone so attractive on here, well
while your here and until Mr Right turns up,
lol. I doubt you will be here long! David xxx"
"hi how are you love your red hair in your picture, you look stunning.
whats on this wk end?
But then there was this guy.
After him I considered deleting my account and forgetting about the whole thing. But hey I've been offered a launch in my future prostitution career! £500 for sex in a top hotel! Dear god. Maybe I should delete my account after all.