Day 33/367

Ate 711 calories today, danced crazily about for about 10 minutes and did badminton for an hour. Plan to get sexy body is underway. (Am also VERY PROUD of myself, I ate four pieces of fruit 'n' veg!)

So far I've only got one credit, in one of the easiest subjects..can't wait for English results tomorrow.

Talked to the Muse Guy on plenty of fish again. He's seen them three times, I've only seen them once. I also took a look at this profile pictures. He looks very plain with a weird mouth (and about 30.)

I really can't wait till the sleepover at my pad for singles night! It's gonna be completely wild. I might wear my basque and some stockings to complete the sexy red angel outfit. Hehe...

Day 32/367

My nipples just wont accept we're not going out with the anyone anymore. They keep getting stimulated if I brush them against anything. It's really annoying.
The Ex has stopped talking to me. I don't know why.

I went over to this girl Lauren today. She was mid-conversation to this boy about how she should be a glamour model because her "boobs are so big". She's a 32B. I did a sort of awkward laugh. We asked her if she wanted to go to poledancing classes with us but no-she could already poledance.
I'm listening to Dermot O'Leary Presents: The Saturday Sessions. It's got Biffy Clyro singing Fight For This Love. It's absolutely insane. Their accent is so noticable! That's why I dont think Matt Cardle can pull off Many Of Horror. (Oh wait sorry, "When we Collide"...) because of the accent. Matt Cardle just lacks the rugged Scottishness Biffy have.
However Fyfe Dangerfield (think the old M&S advert 'she's always, a woman to me') singing Girls Aloud- Call the Shots. That's one intense tune. There's also Athlete singing La Roux. Highly recommend that album.

Hey! A guy on Plenty of Fish is teaching himself piano. And likes Muse! Gotta see what happens there...

Day 31/367

So now I'm bored of plentyoffish.com. After 96 emails of notifications (blocked now) I cant be bothered with messages of "hey" "hey youre pretty" "hey what you up to tonight" "hey" "hi" "hello" "hi". Maybe I'll check it again in a month.

Today I saw Black Swan. Oh god it was so intense. I really want to see it again, I only got the plot right at the end. Ugh it's gonna give me nightmares! At one point her legs break backwards and her toes fuse together...argh!

I also found Sam's name graffitied onto a fence. Shannon took a picture of me pretending to kiss it...hehe I'm such a mean girl...

We also went into Poundland today and I dithered for 10 minutes whether or not to buy nipple tassles. In the end I bought red angel wings and a halo. Shannons being a white angel and Eilidh's being our pimp devil. Singles night is going to be SOOOO GOOD. Eilidh was completely appauled when I showed her my lingeree drawer (containing a basque, stockings, suspenders and fishnets.) Maybe we wont be donning her in sexy gear just yet. Shannon's completely fine with it, I even told her about my vibrator (I'm still yet to try it out...)

Day 30/367

So I joined plentyoffish.com. I got completely swamped.

So far I've been invited to camping with someone, meeting somebody else, sex on the beach, sex for £500 (in a "top hotel of my choice"), sex in the sea and just plain sex. However there have been a few sweethearts:

  "But you are just totally stunning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just wanted to say hello as I know your
way out of my league and I would not dare
try to chat you up! You must be so
inundated on here and so you should be
Miss stunning! But I hope you say hello or
maybe a bugger off! Sorry for being OTT
but you are just the most perfectly beautiful
lady I have seen on here. I wonder if you
would allow me the pleasure of speaking
to someone so attractive on here, well
while your here and until Mr Right turns up,
lol. I doubt you will be here long! David xxx"
and

"hi how are you love your red hair in your picture, you look stunning.
whats on this wk end?
x "

But then there was this guy.

After him I considered deleting my account and forgetting about the whole thing. But hey I've been offered a launch in my future prostitution career! £500 for sex in a top hotel! Dear god. Maybe I should delete my account after all.

(Is it just be or has he only got one eyebrow?)

Day 29/367

My birthday vibrator came today. Shock horror! I'm so embarrassed at it! It said it was silent but it's louder than an electric  toothbrush.

Can't wait till my human hair extensions come.

Today I didn't do anything at all apart from get a very nice panini, an icecream, a magazine and £10.

Sam asked me to the cinema. This could have been a good oppertunity to see a film for free but I declined. That would be A) using B) misleading.

Day 28/367

I saw Sam close-up for the first time today. He came up behind me and said hi. I would have said something completely normal if I hadn't been so taken aback by his real-life ugliness.

Some people are forgivably ugly, like, a facial feature out of proportions fine and dandy. I have teeny-tiny lips and sticky out ears. But Sam. Oh lord. I just did this sort of nod of recognition and broke eyecontact. He then tried to sit with me for lunch. I didn't make eyecontact again so he moved away back with his chums.
Maybe I should start being mean to him. I'm ignoring him right now.

He keeps asking if he's done something wrong ("I loved the splendid chat we had last night, hope to do it again soon xx on facebook" with a friend commented 'loolol' with 5 likes. DOESN'T THAT TELL YOU SOMETHING SAM?) But maybe being mean will keep him keen like in the saying? I hope not. Holy crap, it was all the way back in day 8/367 that Sam asked me out! 20 days have gone by since then...wow.

Late last night I was talking to the Ex on MSN. He keeps saying 'gratz' to whatever I say which is really annoying. He said it again to something that deserved a reply much  better than 'gratz' and I sent to him 'if you say that one more time I'm going to hump you'. I meant to type jump. Awkward turdle? I think so.

I'm right. The Gamer fancies me. I keep talking to him about Sam and he's suggested not just once but twice that I should go out with someone on facebook to deter him. And also several discussions about how people should just ask people out.
I do fancy him a bit. He's pretty tidy with a 6pack. But he's Jess' ex. And it's weird going out with someone at school: all the awkward kissing in the corridor and shiz. (I still cant imagine enjoying kissing someone else that's not the Ex though.)

Free day tomorrow! I'm planning to sleep in so much. I havn't slept in in about a month. My painting went well in art today (5hours painting!) so it's all good.

Day 27/367

Oh god. I went on webcam to the Ex. My face looked so round compared to his finely chiseled jaw and cheekbones. I desperately tried sucking in my double chin and straining my neck to make it look longer but my muscly shoulders make me look like Matt Cardle no matter what I do (i.e, lack of visible neck.)

Me: Ugh do I look like a mong?
Him: mhmm
Me: Noo why? Do I honestly?
Him: yes
*close webcam*
Me: :(
Him: ?
Me: Im a mong
Him: are you?
Me: to your opinion am I?
Him: Idk

I hate him. Nothing's a straight yes or no with him. After many sentences of 'what matters is your opinion of yourself' he said no, I do not look like a mong. Thank god.

I talked to Sam. He hasn't talked to me for a while so I wonder if his flame of lust for me has burned out. I asked why he doesn't talk to me. He said it was cos I was boring. Then he said Jokes. That means he wasn't really joking but doesn't want to sound nasty. He says he wants to meet up with me. I replied I'm happy to meet up with anyone (non committal) as long as they aren't awkward. Ugh now I have to meet up with him! What have I done!

For once, God has listened to my complaints of wanting a boyfriend. He was feeling very pleased with Himself that He was answering the prayers of a heathen.....and so He sent Sam.


On the brighter side, my drama exam went pretty good. I think I at least got a credit. And I'm taking in two thornton chocolate hearts on lollipopsticks for Jess and Eilidh for the art exam tomorrow!

Day 26/367

I hate the prejudice of clothes sizes. They think that you can only have big boobs if you're a larger size. I was looking for a swimsuit today in Asda (they're just dandy with bikinis though) andI had to buy a size 14 onepiece to accommodate my boobs.
It's the same with other clothes- normal tshirts ride up, baggy tshirts make you look fat, and you can never get the right bra size. The pain never ends. And the speciality big-boob clothes like Bravissamo cost a bomb.

Today in the Graph Comm exam the technician made me up a tray of all the stuff I need, including 2 pencils and 2 compasses. Later he came back and gave me an extra 4 pencils and another compass, 'In case you break your lead'. Aww what a sweetheart!

Today I went to badminton. Very chuft at myself! Can't wait till exams end at the end of this week AND I CAN START CYCLING/GOING TO THE GYM/SWIMMING to tone dat boddeh!

Day 25/367

Today in Tesco I waved at someone I didn't know. Oh god.

I went to my granny's for lunch today. I forgot to get the recipe for a cheesecake I want to make on Singles Night on 14th Febuary with everyone (assuming I'm still single by then or Sam hasn't raped me.)

I came home and slept for a million years and got angry at my dad for breaking my laptop even more (its screen's held up by ductape). FML I have to get up at 8 tomorrow to phone the school to see if my catch-up exams on. I hope I'm not going to be the only one doing it.

I'm texting the Ex. He said my name in part of a text making me fancy him even more, and I keep having dreams about him. Argh! I need to find a boyfriend!

Day 24/367

I've finally fallen in love with Bruno Mars. If that boy pushed a piano all the way up my three flights of concrete steps in those shoes.....whoa.

Today I'm meant to be having a date in another town with my 'girlfriend' Robyn (she lives in a different country.) Hopefully Sam or his crew didn't see me going to the cinema with my mum and dad.
I'm going to feel very sorry for Sam when I finally do get a boyfriend.

I finally tidied my room today which made me instantly high with happiness.

Right now I'm chilling with Sunny watching unknown wannabe rappers on tv. Good times.

Day 23/367

Today was almost four hours of modern studies exam.(my friend Leah's phone went off twice with a homosexual ringtone. Poor girl) I wrote 13 pages of made up shit about racism and democracies in Africa. And then to make matters I apparently had a Graph Comm exam that was mysteriously not on my timetable so I'm doing it on Monday instead. I'm such a retard I even went with this guy to the graph comm teacher to ask when the other exam was. Ugh.

I got home and slept and had this epic dream about the end of the world and fragments of falling stars on us and I had to go under my friend Leah's umbrella and we were watching people at some showies beside this exploding castle.

Yesterday Sammyboy invited himself out to lunch with us. I said no.

He's not talking to me but not as much as he normally does. Maybe he's getting the message I don't fancy him after all? I did seen him in Tesco today with his fuzzy sideburns and full-face freckles. He didn't see me though.
Right now I'm sleeping over at Jacob's house. Me and Ben are looking at inflatable buttplugs and 'party in my pants'. We found an inflatable dog-sex-doll. ("feels just like the real thing!" was one of the comments)

Day 22/367

The guy on the French Listening exam sounded SO GAY. 'Your instructer wants to go cannewwwing'. I failed credit though. It was harder than a chode injected with viagra.

Didn't see Sammyboy in Tesco today. I still feel a bit bad for what we did to him yesterday. For the past two months I've eaten 565 calories of shortbread every day, it's a complete mystery why I haven't gone over 9 and a half stone yet. I never seem to get fat just kind of lumpy like bigger muffin tops and backflab. When I achieve commandment two I'M GOING TO GET RIHANNAS HAIR. The best bit about it is my style of hairs almost exactly the same but I need shorter layers and a better fringe. I'm planning to get it either before or after summer when Commandment 2 has been achieved and I have A LOT of money at the time. (good bleach job+good repairing shampoos=£££) When I bleach it I'm going to keep it blond for a few days...hehehe. I dont really suit blond though

I listened to 2 Rhianna songs Oh nana (Jacob sings it 'Oh nana, Oomba-yay' instead of oh nana whats my name?), Usher, Ne-Yo and now Slipknott Duality. The music video is insane.

I learned more how-to-do-modern-studies questions with Jacob than 4 years of Modern Studies with Mr Easton and Mr Menzies (Mr Menzies, bless him. He loves me. I thew a paper plane off his head by accident one time and he was like

'WHO WAS THAT?!'

'It was me Mr Menzies I'm really sorry'

'Oh thats OK of it was you glamourous. How are you today?'

At christmas I gave him a card and he got such a boner over it. God bless the guy.



I talked to Sam. Poor boy, he keeps trying to admit he fancied(or ies?) me but he can't pluck up the courage.

Ugh, Modern Studies exam tomorrow at 8:45. FML.

Day 21/367

I am now a lesbian. Sam is thrown off (hopefully).

Me and Robyn had this huge long lesbianic conversation on tinychat. He started getting so damn jealous. Mission SUCCESSOMATIC. HEHEHEHE.

In SVS exam today this van was driving backwards and I had to do deep breathing so I didn't laugh and laugh and laugh at it.

Ok im gonna post the Robyn-Sam convos another time but I need to go to bed and shower

Goodnight xxx

Day 20/367

Today was my free day. MUMS EYES ARE OK!

Well they're OKer than we thought. It's water leaking from behind her retina, not blood so that means everythings gonna be just dandy in a year. Woop woop!

Today I showered, walked Sunny in the field I lost my virginity, played Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 and watched My Big Fat Gypsey Wedding. I havn't revised SVS for tomorrow which I should have done as well. I made a facebook status about the exam tomorrow and it got 30 people liked it holy crap!

Weirdly, Sammy boy hasnt talked to me on MSN today or yesterday. Strange times.

Day 19/367

I almost slept through my biology exam today. This was the fault of Leah on facebook not knowing what VPLs were and she thought they were where you could see your pad outline through your trousers.

Biology was ok, there was a helechopper going about looking for this body in the river, they found her apparently. That's pretty scary.

Nothing really much else happened today. I came home and slept and slept and slept and turned my pillow to the cool side and did more. I've got a free day tomorrow. I'm going to Aberdeen with mum because she has this thing in her eye that could make her blind which is really worrying. Hmm.

Day 18/367

Whoao so much happened today...First of all I went skating with a bunch of people and got a blister. I broke C3....................................................but the actual skating was good.

Oh god, today I talked to Sam.

BIG MISTAKE.
Ughh....we had this huge conversation in which he called me pretty, sexy and beautiful and that we are now going to wave at each other when we next see each other [hahaha LOL at him, I wont see him till another 1week and 2 days because of the exams and they all stop before lunch]. But he asked me are you free next weekend?

On a spontaneous evil whim I didn't reply just 'revising', I replied 'revising with jacob'(my best boy mate) to spark off intense facebook stalking and jealousy.

I should just bite the bullet and say I'm not interested. (at some time in the conversation, he said he wasn't good enough for me.....in comparison to the Ex his future does look pretty bleak. I never knew I had standards-I'd consider myself pretty normal looking-but it seems I do. But I applaud the boy for saying that he fancied me in the first place. Not many guys can do that.)

His personality from what I've seen on MSN is pretty normal. And he looks goofy. And has freckles. Lord, I would NOT go out with any boy with freckles. I've got enough on my face without having to look at anyone else's.

There are 2 personalities that I fancy and want deeply in my pants: One belongs to a somewhat chubby ginger in Ohio and the other a slightly mongled guy in the Isle of Lewis.
I love these guys. They make me actually lol. The Isle of Lewis one has disappeared off the face of facebook for some reason and the ginger guy is still present but keeps sending me CityVille requests.

Tomorrow's biology...I'm gonna fail. Maybe not if it's really sunny outside it puts me in a good mood.

Day 17/367

Today I got up at 9:45....and it's a saturday! I got ready and found my green contacts were all hard because I left the lid off. They were my favourite ones too. And to make matters worse, there were huge obese clouds were squishing about in the sky blocking the sun and pissing out rain on everything

Me and Eilidh met up to make a poster saying 'Happy Birthday!' for this guy on youtube. We took like 3 hours to do it and then finally took pictures of us with on on the monument behind our house but it was too windy so we look mongled in nearly all the photos.

I wore my sweatshirt with an american flag on with shorts and converse (big mistake, it was windy, rainy and freezing) up town. We were going down the escalator at one point and disaster struck! My evil english teacher was going to pass us because she was going up it! There was no escape! We  squashed as close as possible to the other side of our escalator without falling off. Nothing really happened up town, apart from the terrifying Mrs Rossetter episode.

We went home and mum had made mince tatties and dumplings so me and Eilidh had that and shannon ate half a pack of pasta.

Mum went to the opticians (there's apparently this thing going on in the back of her eye that could be serious and make her get vision loss. Fingers are crossed so hard that this doesnt happen.) However she got glasses today and she looks sexy in them. It's really weird. And I'm a bit jealous. We baked shortbreads together which was lovely.

Sooo...happy days :) proper ones :)

Day 16/367

Holy crap I almost broke Commandment 1 today!!

This morning I felt like I was on drugs. I was so god damn happy. The sun was shining high in the sky, and I felt so summery I wore pumps for the first time in months. I came to the canteen in preperation for the English exam singing Im walking on sunshine and dancing. On the way to school I talked to a complete random I don't know at all about exams. Insane.

The credit paper was a lot harder than the general. I wrote a really mental short story in the writing about this forensic person called Emma who ends up having to ID her fiance in a car crash.

Just then I grilled the Ex about if he fancies anyone. He's so boring boring boring I can't believe I ever went out with someone so insanely rubbish. That's made me grumpy now.

But hey! Tomorrows saturday and me and Eilidh are going to paint a banner and then I'm gonna go up town with Shannon to perv on her friend on a date. Then on SUNDAY I'm going skating which is always mental. Woowoo!

Day 15/367

Today was completely surreal. It was like in a dream. We had 4 maths exams today. I totally failed credit, I could've possibly scraped a pass on the non-calculator paper but the paper 2 was just insane.

When I got home I tried to sleep but it was really weird, I was (and still am) completely knackered but my head was totally awake. Weird. I don't think there'll be any fabulously gory-detailed posts for the next two weeks due to examination stressage.

Wait wait wait here's something gory that happened today!! I was so preoccupied with the credit paper today I peed a little bit on the toilet seat when we went at the lunch interval. (How could you have physically have done that hear you ask. Well, because the school toilets are so inhumanely disgusting [A boy smeared his poo around on the floor in the boys ones one time] I hover over the toilet so I don't get contaminated with genital warts or something revoltingly similar.)

My plan for the rest of tonight is to facebook,facebook,facebook, formspring a little bit and possibly revise English. And go to tesco to get some solero lollies! MMMM YUM!

Hehe look what I got asked on formspring!

If a guy liked you, but they have never really talked to you (but wanted to). How would you suggest they "get to know you more"? This is for...... A friend xD

uhhhhhhh get their phone num? talk to them on fb? whatever goes hun :L

Well I just have no idea who could have asked that! Hehehe...

Day 14/367

Tomorrow's the maths prelim. Im gonna fail so BAD. I'm meant to be revising it right now so this post's gonna be pretty darn brief. Shannon was being way moany today and at the end of the day 2 of my other friends just snapped and had a go at her all at once. I feel pretty bad for her because tomorrows an exam and not being liked is the last thing you need.

My other friend Eilidh worked out the art guy we're studying Louis C Tiffany was 121 in our profile of him. I told our art teacher. It was funny. I did some biology past paper in maths and I need to revise blood, enzymes and problem solving, the annoying little bitches that they are. I almost almost had a good time in biology because the girl I hate was off so I talked to people and had fun which made me happy.

Today I got told by someone they liked my butt in Tesco (I know them it wasn't creepy) and then in Drama this popular girl told me she liked my boobs. That just about made my day.

I even went to maths revision. And I think I do fancy that boy. I kept looking for him. That's gotta mean something hasn't it? I feel so tired but I'm not sleepy. I hope a ray of sunshine and happiness strikes me tomorrow for the exam.

I got texted today by this boy Calum that ''Sorry if u think I fancy you''. About a month ago when I got nightly texts from him saying 'hey jen x' 'hey jen' 'hey jen x' I told her I thought he fancied me. She even pinkie promised not to say to anyone but it apparently 'just came out'.

I think he does fancy me a little bit, even now. And I fancy him back a little bit too. But I can't imagine us going out- the school-relationship awkwardness is terrible

Day 13/367

I slept through English and Graph Comm today. That's ok because 1. I hate graph comm and 2. I hate English.
Graph comm is a class of 6 people,including me, 2 of which are two-faced bitches, a semi-tarded boy no one really wants to interact with (I don't mind him though) and two shyguys. And I'm worst in the class. Because it's such a small class everyone knows you're the worst. Happy days.

My English teacher is a demon from the disgusting slime covered depths of hell. She is the nastiest teacher to have ever taught. She's sarcastic, she's mean, and worst of all she makes it personal. In parents evening I was almost crying...(no exaggeration, I rarely cry at the best of times) because she insisted I have the intelligence but I'm too lazy to do the actual work. I try my very very very best at work because I'm shit scared of her! And the worst bit was my mum believed her! Argh!

Nothing really interesting happened today. Shannon was in a moodie with me for throwing a sandwich in her eye yesterday. And I've decided boys are bitchier than girls. Girls just do it for bonding together purposes, whereas boys just do it out of cruelty and to make themselves look cooler. Their bitching's a lot more vicious too, they make fun of your gestures or whatever from right behind you. Argh.

And I've got mal a la tete which isn't good but I'm away to make doghots so that's ok.

Day 12/367

I wore my new skinnies (size 12 unfortunately. But for an excuse they don't have any stretch or anything and they're baggy round the butt so that's ok. Ok, ok, ok I admit I'm just a fat shit at the moment.) today and that was goood. I wore them with my Primark military boots with the buckles. I felt good. I even wore my new asda 5-for-£3.50 pants but they kept falling down underneath my  trousers. Argh

The lessons are going by so quick in school. It's maths exam on Thursday,  I've decided I'm going to try and not worry if i fail credit maths. Today I suffered three embarrassments!

Embarrassment 1: Today in French I displayed my buttcrack because of my new jeans. These particularly bitchy boys were sitting behind me, but by complete luck Jacob's huge coat was still on the seat I was on and screened the moonage from  view

Embarrassment 2: In the toilets when I was washing my hands waiting for my friend Rebecca I thought that this girl Taylor (who is the prettiest, the most popular and the least bitchy girl ever) was next to me but I didn't say hi in case it wasn't her....I thought she had gone when Rebecca had come out her cubical so I asked her 'Was that Taylor?' Who at that moment freakily came out another cubical. I think she heard. I felt like I should've said something like 'Oh Taylor I wasn't talking about you!' Argh! I didn't say anything and Rebecca just laughed.

EMBARRASSMENT 3: Sam was behind me at Tesco. His friends ditched him. My friends were all laughing and making gestures towards him like I didn't know. Even his friend Colin with this huge malformed mouth was making gestures. Poor guy, he must've been way more embarrassed than I was. For some reason my butt twitched outwards as my tuna sandwich was getting scanned! Argh! But I should've said hi or something. I'm yet to go on facebook to see if he's inboxed me or anything.

This boy called Jordan sits behind me in mod studs. He's a popular boy who's fallen from grace (I don't know why) but he talked to me today. For some reason I fancy him a bit.

Day 11/367

YES mum bought tickets with inheritance money to go to Canada for a whole month this summer! (this has ruined my plan of going on a package holiday somewhere. I'll save it for next year I think and spend my saved money in Canada on clothes and shiz.) We're going to do this thing called the shipwreck trail, where one eats rehydrated food and survives for 7 days walking with a huge pack. Mental! And that means I'll be coming back SKINNY AND TANNED. Even better! (I had this amazing idea of buying 4 batteries for my phone and charging them all up. I might even be able to blog from the midst of the bear-ridden wilderness). When I'm there and were not trekking/canoeing/kayaking I had a thought that I want to get a sketchpad and do some painting and drawing of stuff in the streets. Hmm :)

I had this thought for the summer holidays, or before then if it's sunny to have a mermaid party with a paddling pool! I'd make mermaid tails and make a bra out of coconuts. (Mum said I'd have to use pumpkins, I'm a 30E or F shock horror)

Today I bought some red lacy pants! Niiiceee.

I also painted a banana and an apple spontaneously.

Right now I'm going to do some BBC Bitesize maths shiz, and look over some biology topics.  It just struck me that I haven't actually looked at my exam timetable...

I'm gonna put some more photos of stuff in this blog woot woot! Once I find my phone wire.

For the past few days I've been having these extreme moodswings. A few days ago I kept wanting to cry at everything but now I keep doing crazydancing and singing. It's mad. I just cant stop being happy!

Day 10/367

Ughhhhh. Having the biggest fat day ever. Added to that is grumpiness and depressedness of failing at revising for my prelims. My dad just phoned though and said he'd give me money for them if I get credits! The problem is I've forgotten everything over the Christmas holidays, especially in maths. I was doing a maths past paper and I didn't know how to do anything, whereas before the holidays I got a 2 in the pre-prelim and was on fiyah.

Today I went up town and took £20 out to put into my current account for an erotic Christmas present Jacob wants me to buy for myself (A vibrator. I'm getting him a fleshlight for his birthday so he thought it was only fair.) There were so many pretty/skinny girls up town...gah! Most days I don't notice them but today was particularly bad.
Whilst having a discussion about my aunt bursting into tears in her supermarket at the thought of her daughter going away I casually asked my mum if she would be sad when I go. She said her life'd end when I go, confirming my hunch that she has this insane plan of euthanasia when I leave for uni...I just said 'We need to get swimsuits to get healthy'.

 Hmm,  happy days.

Day 9/367

Ok im doing this from my phone which is probably costing me big bucks but hey, dowanna break commandment 1. There is no news on the sam front. Although I think he talked to me at tesco when he was putting something in the bin. I stared at my friend Paiges crotch and pretended not to hear, smiling absently.

The rest of school was pretty normal. I saw the Ex on webcam for the first time in many a month and he was blingin' it in a chain and cap. I told him he looked cool.

Day 8/367

Ugh school. I forgot what a hostile enviroment it could be.

I stopped myself bitching a few times apart from one time where boy Dylan who everyone doesnt like went swaggering across the place in a pink and green zippy. I said 'wow Dylan's cool isnt he?' But thats the worst I did today.

In french Mr Lestienne banged the table to stop people talking which me and Jacob found ridiculously funny and laughed like retards for 10 minutes. He did it again GAUSH GAUSH GAUSH QUIET PLEASE in his weirdass french-scottish-english accent.

Holy crap I just got asked out!!!


Sam: Hello there :)
Me: Heya :P
Sam: How are you?
Me: Im good I just made a formspring :L:L and im trying to revise but failing you?
Sam: Lol what is it? Il ask you a question, and im watching craig howard play dirt 2 XD
Me: Formsprings where you like ask questions anonymously? Whats craig howard play dirt 2?
Sam: No I mean whats your formspring name,  il ask you a question. And im watching craig howard, a guy at our school, play dirt 2. A racing game
Me:Sorry that sounded completely retarded XDD


....blahblahblah...


Sam: dont take this the wrong way...but you do sound pretty awesome :3.  Dont suppose you want to do something this weekend?
Sam: sorry was that too sudden?
Me: im sorry i have to revise all this weekend =o exams next week
Sam: okee dokee but yeah itd be cool to get to know you :)
Me: haha thanks lolzers
Sam: How am i a loser?
Me: wait what? lolzers=variation of lol?
Sam: Ohhh. Now im the retard
Me: dw bout it hun i think what i said is considerably more spaztic
Sam: Tehe, you called me hun. That gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside
(I did NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO THIS)
Me: :L
Sam: So what can i call you
Me: you can call me my name, and dude, I call everyone hun dont get excited
Sam: Im not :)
(Ugh! Eww!)
Me: lol okies listen i gtg pack my bag and shiz. Laters
Sam: Adios, il maybe say hi when i see ya :) bye x


This was a guy, who ages and ages ago,said something about walruses weighing a lot in tesco to me. I thought he was having a go at my muffintops or something but it turns out he fancies me. Dundundun I wonder what'll happen tomorrow...

Day 7/367

Woo! Ive kept this blog for 1week out of 52!! (+2days)

I woke up EARLY today at 10:45! Chufters!! I peed and pooed Sunny and had my breakfast! I even showered! I'm on FIYYAHH!!!

I threw 3 bags of rubbish that I tidied out from my room (which is XXXXXL clean and tidy now). We walked Sunny then I fell asleep with her for 2 hours. After that I went to my friend Jacob's house and played 2 levels of Halo 1 and did an english past paper. Not an exciting day but this morning a thought struck me-maybe I should consider putting down my hamster Sputnik? He's over 4 years old (hamsters are meant to live between 1 and a half to 2 years. He's older than Sunny.) and he's getting a bit stinky. His little willy was out too which was weird. I hope it's not like, causing him pain. I clipped his teeth though so that's all good.

Schooooollll tomorrowwww aghhhhhghghghghgh! I cant be bothered with all the people there. I want to see my friends but I see-bee-ay with all the smalltalk/hostilities/etc. Hey! And I have to do my commandments aswell, especially commandments 3+5+6

I'm also facing the Evil Hag Mrs Rossetter my english teacher for my Macbeth essay....I still havn't done it....ahhh >_<

Day 6/367

I slept in till 13:48 today...And it's school the day after tomorrow! Argh!!

I found out Cherri had chewed the wire on my speakers....grrrrr...I get so stingy buying things when I'm saving up for something, in this case my holiday in summer.

I'm meant to be revising today, and writing a godforsakengoddamnitihatemyenglishteacher Macbeth essay. It's one of those ones you just can't do for some reason...argh!

I revised maths for the rest of the day (taking about 2 hours to do 4 questions) and playing a level on the first Halo on the original xbox. I shoved my sisters cd player in my room and put an actual disc into it. How retro! Although I've only got 3 Muse albums, Lady Gaga's album and a self mix tape (called 'eargasms' fyi)

So...revision and Macbeth essay all day tomorrow? Happy days!

Day 5/367

I woke up with a raging headache.

 Last night was one of the weirdest nights I've ever had, after finishing my book 'One Day' I cried at the sad part, then that suddenly triggered a huge tidal wave of all the sadness that's been building up inside me, and I realised eventually everyone's going to die one day.
All the times I should have cried over the past year all came out in one go, and I cried nonstop for an hour. I even texted the Ex this huge long text about how completely devastated (devastated isn't the right word, but for some reason there isn't a word for really really really uncontrollably sad, the feeling you get when someone you love dies).

It seemed like I'd regret it at the time, and next morning he said are you ok? And now we're good friends again (''Well I guess I will never be rid of you will I?''). I collected the 15 tissues filled with snot and crying and put them in my laundry bin instead of my bin. This made me kind of disgusted, even though they are my own bodily fluids after all. Even so, I sprayed the bin with Mr Muscle.

I looked completely mongled, my eyes were all puffy and red and squishy, but I felt emotionally completely relieved, like having this huge disgusting poo that hasn't been wanting to excrete itself for a year finally all coming out at once. Afterwords I felt refreshed and happy.

I bought 4 things today, which all made me very happy.

1. A lampshade because my room has this rubbish light and makes me depresso
2. Fairy lights in the shapes of hearts that are unimaginably lovely (I bought the lampshade and lights from B&Q, and on the way in I passed a Very Tidy Guy, which was a shame because I looked like a fermenting fish because of my soaked hair from a late shower, puffy squishy red eyes and pale complexion)
3. A lottery ticket for wednesday (I don't even know which day it is today, but hey)
4. Rat nuggets for my rat Cherri.

A phenomenon happened today concerning the aforementioned rat. I was blowing raspberries at her when she suddenly licked my tongue. We both looked at each other, completely shocked. She froze for about 5 seconds and ran back into her cage (which she normally does if she's been bad like if she had been caught doing something she knows is bad, like looting peanuts.) I have no idea why she did it, or what for.

I also made croissants today from Tesco's Ready Rolled Pastry. They were tres bonne avec des confiture. I had a slightly erotic conversation about a particularly huge one not fitting in my mouth with the Ex. And it's dawned on me- you have to have at least one person who is 19+ for package deals on holiday. the Ex is going to be 19 in July.

Hmmm.

Day 4/367

Today's been depressing. I have broken Commandment 2 majorly- bag of macoys, dunkers and shortbread (which I baked yesterday and had to take two attempts at, wasting 2 tubs of butter and a lot of flour and a lot of sugar. I even broke the bowl.)

I also reshuffled my room about and realised how much ACTUAL SHIT I have stored up in it.
Right now I'm watching Iron Man. Robert Downy Jr. He's definitely on my DILF list.
It's now completely over and done and finished with the Ex.
After saying I miss him and a large conversation about him being 'The Nice Guy' and talking to me without him 'Shrugging me off', he is 'going to stick to it fully this time' (-me not talking to him, or indeed, him not replying to me)

So I said have a nice life.

And am considering deleting the 8923 texts and sexts of a happy relationship from my phone. I had a small angry cry afterwords in the bathroom whilst having a pee. Weirdly, both of them came out in a synchronised short angry bursts.

Relationships are so hard. One day you want to smash their face through three walls and other days you want to be in their arms watching a romcom. I threw away a box from the chocolates he got me on valentines day containing petals from the 12 roses.. At the time I was listening to Muse-New Born, a suitably angry song for this kind of ordeal. Old Muse is so good compared to their The Resistance crap. These days they're making Freddie Mercury turn in his grave, singing crappy songs about politics that nobody cares about and being followed by Twihards.

You're about as innocent as a nun doing squats in a cucumber field. This facebook like made my day today.

Day 3/367

I have broken the Commandment 2 twice today. First of all I put an excessive amount of sugar on my Tesco's own wheat biscuits (in other words, weetabix minus 42p)  and then I got this banoffee pie thing from a petrol station! And it was mingin'! Nothing but monosaturated fat and a waste of money!
I also pulled muscles in both my buttcheeks due to lack of mobility last night because my dog Sunny was sleeping like an unshiftable rock on our shared mattress
Ahh, we had an ok night though, but hopefully I'll get to go to a proper party next year (hey I wont be blogging by then!) and find a very sexy guy and he would whisper into my ear in this Italian accent 'I come for Hogmanay...my family you see...I think you are very sexy, maybe we should go to a more private place' In real life this would be a sweaty desperate guy with acne who came from Glasgow.

The only other bad point of new year was dropping my laptop, which has been mended with masking tape (the screen has completely come off and is only being held on  by wires.)
So all is good, apart from I'm meant to be revising but am suffering from a bad case of Cannot Be Arsed. I want to sleeeeeeeeeeep.. I was awake till 5 in the morning because of a certain dog.

Day 2/367

7 minutes to 2011!!!

Nobody to kiss apart from dear old Shannon who's sleeping over and having a blazin' new year with me doing Lady Gaga makeovers (with added crazygoggles) and drinking buck's fizz.

6 minutes to 2011!!!

I think I'm going to text The Ex. See if he's got himself a snog. I'm not jealous or anything. I just don't want him to catch HIV or genital warts or anything

5 minutes to 2011!!!

This is my 16th year of not being at a party. Fingers crossed for next year!!

2 minutes to 2011!!!

>>>HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!<<<